The past week

Well, on Thursday we went for our first scan. I had been getting worried leading upto it thinking all sorts of crazy things that could be wrong. For someone with a previously well controlled mind it is unreal what being pregnant has done! Hormones have a whole lot to answer for! Anyways, we arrived and she called us in early, she started having a look but I hadn't drank enough but she was able to see the heartbeat so sent us away for half hour to get some more fluids in me. When we went back in she could se everything clearly and in the last few minutes the baby had a big stretch and a kick so we got an extra pic! Seeing the baby move was amazing, truly!

The past week I have seemed to grow very quickly outwards, I love it though, I have a proper bump!

I didn't mention last time we are moving back to where my mum is so we have lots of family round us, that's in 4 weeks. The idea of being at home with a baby with no family and friends doesn't really fill me with joy so we're both really excited!

I went to the drs today as my back problem has started to get worse, hips especially, and she signed me off for 4 weeks-my remaining notice period. At least I can chill now and stop stressing over work and feeling guilty about leaving early because of my back.
On my way back from the drs I went by myself and had a yummy bacon sandwich and a coffee and then popped to the library to get some books out. It felt good to not have the pressure of work on me whilst I'm pregnant.

Thanks Willow for the congrats!

And then there were three.....

There has been a long absence between the last blog post but we have a good excuse. We're having a baby! We have our 12 week scan on Thursday!

Back from a break away

We came back Thursday late afternoon after a lovely break away at my mums. We went on Saturday, very early, after frantic packing in the morning and had a stop off in Birmingham for some shopping. Arrived at Lincoln late Saturday, it soon began to rain, which didnt stop till Wednesday.

Sunday we had a really chilled day...chatting, reading, watching DVDs, napping, cooking. Monday we went off to Lincoln despite the weather and had fun traipsing around the shops, and spending too much. We got an Ipod, well actually it was a extremely early Yule gift from my mum. We had lots of fun fiddling about with that and getting audio books to listen to (it is the nicest thing having a story read to you, makes you feel all cosy and childlike). Tuesday we went to meet my sister and nephew...I hadnt seen them for a year so it was great to catch up, they loved Mr Ibard :)

On Wednesday we finally got to go to the seaside as the weather cheered up. Here at home the seaside is quite far. Typically we went round the arcades, had a little look round the shops, played bingo (Ibard watched on at the craziness :) and bought doughnuts and rock. Thursday we travelled back and came home to our cats. Initially they were in a huff with me for leaving but an hour or so later order was restored and they wanted cuddles.

On other news, Big Brother has started and Ibard has bought me the live streaming season pass, he may live to regret this but I am very appreciative right now.

Reflections

When you've had one of 'those' weeks...it feels heavenly when your working week finishes and you're 'you' again, and you get a real chance to reflect....

Everything is exactly as it should be at any given moment.

Right now, in my life, I wouldn't change a thing. Sometimes, it feels odd to feel this way when I spent such a long time wanting for something else. It feels odd to think about what I was doing one year ago, and how ultimately 9 months ago things 'came together', with some Divine intervention.

I feel lucky.

Grace

I have been thinking about mystical experiences and Grace recently...
Grace as in divine love and protection.
Mystical experiences as in feelings of connectedness with everything.
The thought comes to me that the two can be the same.
I am also wondering if this is comparable to communion with your Holy Guardian Angel...
Perhaps
It, certainly to me, sounds like Samadhi.
I suppose Sahaj samadhi is more like Grace; the effortless and continual state of perfection.
How to attain?
Now thats the rub.

A bit of a Rant

Strange things from today:

• Setting up a wireless network for Adriana... Computers have to do things Their way...
• A Programme on Scientology which shows just how creepy they really are.
• The cats are hiding out in the flat instead of pestering us for fuss... I think something is going on there.
• The fact that I was ill form work today due to a major cold and had the wierdest dream of me and Adriana inheriting a night club... and having 2 great big black dogs that roamed about town.

The computer incident should be no surprise to me. I already know that they are alkward, no offence compy, and like to do things in computereese. But, still, I think that they should make them a little more understanding... Or maybe I should be? interesting point..

The scientology thing.. I can understand the lure of their "religeon". Mystery, promises of a better life and a purpose... Somethings that Magick and Esoteric paths also aim to fulfill

But to personally attack peoples character, trawl through their past and mud-sling anyone who doesn't agree with them is worying behaviour and hypocritical of a group that purports to purifying their spirits and becoming perfect..

Also, the ammount of money they generate from their followers seems ... greedy. I know market forces say that you charge what people are willing to pay but to be seen as a religeon should they not be more "giving".

Ok, they do turn up at any disaster/emergency to help out ... but how much of that is for PR and how much to recruit new members when they are feeling vunerable and scared...

It all comes back to the fact that they are "selling" insights, purpose and hidden knowledge which are readily and freely available elsewhere. Then when you are in you are more likely to accept anything they say as true and are distanced from the outside world.... very much like brain-washing to me..

Ach, too much of a rant I know but... I know there is something intrinsically wrong about scientology.

I suppose the words "Caveat Emptor" sum up what I am trying to say ... but the seller should be open about what their product is aswell.

Poly Paradise?

I used to think that not one person can be 'enough', especially over a long period of time in a relationship. Everyone has different aspects to their selves....and it used to seem that no one individual could compliment that long term. I changed my thinking on that, I have all I want with someone now. The idea though is certainly still very interesting to me.

It seems, and I could be wrong that polyamory is more prominent in the pagan community (I am including the majority of the occult community in pagan-there are those calling themselves 'mystic christians' who practice occultism heavily but don't get umbrellered in the term pagan, plus others). For some perhaps polyamory comes about in paganism as a side effect of their path, such as their partner not being apart of their new beliefs and finding someone to share them with, perhaps its from sex magick (though using sex magick as a means to get laid isnt what its all about, though it would be easy for boundaries to become blurred and eventually a love connection evolving), perhaps it's because pagans have 'got it' and polyamory really is the way to go, maybe pagans are generally more open to new ways of being, perhaps pagans are searching hardest of all.

I wonder if polyamory just stems from an unhappiness ultimately with the 'main' person you're with, and feeling unable to remove yourself from the situation for a variety of reasons, and then polyamory just 'suits' both parties well in those circumstances. I know a few people in rl who polyamory seems to work great for, and I know much more people online who do it. In the past I have wondered that perhaps they were just more emotionally developed people, on the other hand perhaps they're the most emotionally unstable. Who knows, I don't suppose it matters. But for those who polyamory really works for, the ones who are actually polyamorous (both partners knowledgable of this and not one person just having an affair and calling it so) and still have a wonderful loving relationship with their 'main' partner, I think that's great.

But...can you ever really find what you're looking for in another when it's within you along.

Article: Polyamory In The Pagan Community

Photograph by Rhonda Miller

Why Are You Here?

I have been thinking recently about Purpose.

Purpose in the sense of your direction in life. An ambition. A Will to achieve something.
Does this purpose come about nautrally in your life, chosen for you from birth, or is it chosen by you and then followed?
I suppose it doesn't really matter which it is as long as you have a goal and work out the ways to achieve it.
Without purpose life seems meaningless and without value. With one you have a sense of worth, importance and happiness that is independant of outside influences.

So what is my Purpose?
Why am I here?
What do I want?

I want to write for a living.

So what is stopping me? Fear.
Failure and the unknown.
The best way to beat these daemons? Act. Set goals. start small and work up. Know that i can and that the fear is illusory.

Ok, enough thoughts for now.

Some Time

Self-Explanation (ie. making excuses)

It has been a while since I last posted an entry on this site. In fact it has been a while since I did any writing except for a few entries in my RL diary.

Why? I could blame distractions, or work, or moving to a new flat in a new city. But the main reason is because I simply did not make time for it.
I know that no matter what the situations are, unless they are prety dire, you can always make time for blogging and catching up on the day.
I know I will miss the past few months of no entries when I look back on this blog. A short while ago we had a look through some of the older entries and the amount of memories that were triggered simply by reading my own thoughts at the time were astounding.
And that from a guy who has a selective memory. I did set out for this blog to be an aid to my memory and a think pad of my thoughts but with all tools they must be used to be useful.
Therefore, I shall start again.
There is no use trying to recap the last couple of months. Suffice to say all is well and things are, as always, great. :)

First entry in some time

Last weekend, sunday to be precise, I had my Reiki initiation. I am now a fledgling healer:) Practicing on myself and the cats and sometimes Adriana. The more I do, the better I get.

Had a wonderful Bank holiday. Went to see my mother and had a nice chat and catch up. Even the fact that the wind destroyed their gazebo/sun-shade didn't marr the day, just made it funny.
Met one of the fattest dogs on earth and tried to give it some exercise.
Had some craziness with "The Missing Pencil-sharpener"; much drama and divers alarums.
Now I have a niggling cold which A assures me is due to the initiation. Also following initiations can be more craziness etc.
Heh, talking of craziness, don't mention the butter!

On to the more spiritual side of things. I have been keeping up my reading and meditation. If there is one thing that a train commute is good for it's the opportunity to sit quietly with no distractions. I find it a little funny how so many people can sit in such a small space and Not-talk to each other. But then again this is Britain:)

Lastly, I have been trying to maintain the meditative state whilst going about my daily life. Harder than it sounds, but worth it i think.

Thats it for now. Take care and take it easy.

Beltaine Blessings

Beltaine was always my favourite Wiccan Sabbatt, and I have such fond memories of celebrating it with my mother. For everyone that does celebrate may you have a wonderful time. Since I don't follow the Wiccan path anymore, I won't be doing a ritual but I have spent time thinking about what Beltaine marks and celebrates. Excellent time for fertility rituals ;)

Am enjoying day 2 of 4 lovely days off together due to a re-furb at work, come at a good time since my cold seems to have re-surfaced. Started planning our trip to London for Ibard's birthday next month, should be lots of fun, also kinda busy since we have managed to pick the time when kids will be off school, therefore also read more expensive...clever hotel people. When we went away in January we got a fab late deal off the internet at a 5* hotel for £60, the room was supposed to be £300, oooo and there was a pool. This time when we go I want us to catch a show, would love to see Wicked. We both read the book just recently and loved it.

The new cats are doing well, they're both curled up either side of my leg on the sofa napping......they look so cute when they're sleeping, makes you foget they're like expert escape artists....tellin ya these cats are genuises or something, they can open windows themselves!!!Takes em a while....but still, and probably all paws between them.

Thank you to everyone who's been visiting and adding to Within's forums (see side link), some good posts are starting to come up again.

We're Back!

After, well, forever, we're back online!! With moving again, and stuff has taken some time to get a phone line put in and get broadband. So...since it's been a while, I'll quickly update you on what's been going on. We moved into a 2 bedroom house nearer to my work and in the city, is great having space and being close to everything. Ooooo, and coupla weeks ago we got 2 kitties, Avalon and Morgana, sooo cute (as you can see), they're sisters.

Now that we're back online I am getting my website back up and running. I have missed doing all my site stuff and chatting with everyone. Work's going well, everything is going well.