If this day was a Lager...

...It would be the best damned Lager there is! :)
First had a strange but fascinating dream, then got woken up with the best wake up call i've ever had :)
Work went swiftly, and I didn't get even the slightest grumble about being off for those 2 days last week..
Also LBRP went well ... first time; needs work but felt reasonable for a newb like me:)
Day off tomorrow and a night out with friends tonight ..
Oh plus I bought a Webcam of my own so i can snap happy without looting anyone elses tech. Hah this is so fun playing with this thing :P
A Lovely Bath. Some meditation to come and mibi a little drawing ..

Then i'm out for a friend's Birthday meal .. Curry :)
And Lager...
Mucho Funko!

Quietude

A nice quiet day both in mind and body.
Spoke to Lil, poor think sounds like she's really ill ...
Did some more scouting round the internet .. found a wonderful site about an artisk called "Banksy" this one piece really hit me though:
Banksy:The Tramp

Thinking of my stories again. always thinking.. what was the advice? Don't think, DO!
O.K.
Point taken.
More secrets posted, just gotta love that site...
Within is down ..
Up at 6 tomorrow.. back to work, well at least i have recovered.

Thats just silly

ok well today became tomorrow and i am still up..
I think that my cold has left me now ..
An interesting night .. interesting indeed!!

ok .. i think i have time for some silliness:

Beaker from the Mupets!!

Just call me IBard Warholl

I'm either a Turnip or .. Carrotman?

And Sketchy me ..

Now i'm going to think of something meaningful to write next to make up for all this frivolity .. but untill then .. I just have to chuckle :)
Oh and one more thing (as the Great detective Columbo says) :
Youtube-Matrix meets MTV
I know it's old and everything but it just makes me Crack every time..

My Rubber Band Ball

Today i was so bad i actually called in sick.
It takes a lot to do that to me so i'm taking it easy...

Oh well this evening turned out to be wonderfull .. nice relaxing rest and stimulating chat seems to have done me wonders. Still taking tomorrow off .. I can't risk throwing away the recovery i have made.

And because i know you want to see:

The downward spiral

I need a BREAK.
I need sleep...
I need a new head.
This one isn't working so well any more

Work work work and more of the same!

Tuesday: Work, work, work and then chat chat chat .. then collapse ..
Start of a bad cold taking energy to fight..
Sniffle sniffle.. :)

Wednesday: More of the same and met Chloe and Claire for a few drinks.Nice chat, yadda yadda yadda.. still dont know what to get chlo for her birthday though ...
Haven't seen or heard from my Ex for a whole week! I was expecting some trouble but it seems she has decided to let me go after all. This is a relief :)
Project Secret Book:

Coming along nicely i think :)

Frazzled

Spent most of today wandering around Worcester shopping.
Did a lot of meditation aswell today feeling a little frazzled from it ...
I think i'll take it easy tomorrow.
Later people, take care.

Payday, Wasted and recovery!

Ok have been off since Thursday ..
Friday: Payday.
Bought essentials. Also got new clothes and a new Phone. A funky one i can connect to my computer and play mp3's on. Still got to learn how to use everything

Project: Secret Book
ok i'm giving away a secret here but i am curently making a hollow book so i can keep secret things in .. I don't kniow what i'm going to put in there yet but it will be cool to have a secret hidey hole.
Hey, call me immature if you want. You may have a point but i bet you want one too, don't ya?
I'll tell you what, if your nice i might even take a few pics of it as it's coming along.
Saturday:Wasted!
Oh boy, after work i went out to see if i could find any of my old friends who i used to go out drinking with. Now, I haven't been out with friends in some time But tonight i bumped into some pals from work and we went out on the town.
I'll tell you now, Vodka and red bull is the best drink ever!
Sunday:Recovery :)
I didn't feel too bad, just dehydrated so i ate lots of fruit and drank lots of water .. plus coffee by the boat load...
Also today decided to do Cross aswell as Daily meditation.
We shall see what my experiments bring. Oh yes and i have to try and find something to do to mark the coming Equinox ....
Just to add ...Adria and Iona are being mean :) they know what i'm on about!

Ok tomorrow i am going to try and go to worcester or cheltnam for a shopping expedition...
Also go to this site and post a secret ...
Secrets

Need sleep and Too much to learn

No word from my Ex today. This is a good thing.
Tired today... not a lot of sleep yesterday.
I have been feling like a zombie all day.
No dreams recalled last night... cefinite sign of lack of sleep.
My favorite site is down aswell.
More meditation today. At the moment it is doing a wonderful job of calming and focusing my mind.
Pay day tomorow. I think i have already spent most of it!
Early night tonight so i can write another entry in my dream diary.
Oh and i have too many things to learn...
2 more subjects to add to the list : Hebrew alphabet and Poetry
Take care now

No more Love and Back to school.

Today i have a more traditional diary entry to post.

No more Love
Today my Ex tried to get back together with me .. using any and all ways she could think of.

Now, if i wasn't expecting something like this i may have given in to a small concession ... say go on a date or go for a drive.... But the slippery slope always starts somewhere and i know that it would inevitably return to where we were before.

So i said no, no, no and no again. Then i had to use the one truth i was trying to keep from her.... I no longer love her.. I care ... but i will no longer be manipulated .. and the only reason i don't just use her and leave her hanging on for sex is because i care and i know she would do better on her own .. or even with someone else .. she is very dependant .. Also just using her for sex would end up getting tied into more anyway ... she has a habbit of drawing more out of you than you wanted to give ...
AAAArg! Leachy psychic vampire lady!

So i stood my ground, and couldn't help but feel wretched afterward. But i know it is better this way ... And if she decides to hate me ... so be it, if that's what she needs.

- So, can i get of this couch now, Doc?

Back to School

Asside from the ameteur dramatics, I have added another blog link to my slowly growing web.. This one is a bunch of self help ideas and i find some of them fascinating ... One this person had was to plan some time each week as if you were at school ... Maths lessons , your own P.E. class, maybe learn a new langage, listen to different music read a Classic book .. and i can see that idea being quite productive. It folows on from the number one must do thing - keep a daily planner.

what would my sylabus look like?
Monday: Literature, Art, Lunch, Kabbalah, Altered states of conciousness
Tuesday: Music appreciation/ creation, Mathematics(logic and mental arythmetic), Lunch, Meditation, Nordic Runes
Wednesday: German, English Lit., Lunch, Afternoon off - Night: Lucid Dreaming
Thursday: P.E.(cross country Dog walking), I.T.(exploring the internet), Lunch, Tarrot, Healing
Friday: Design(building stuff), Science(making stuff go boom), Lunch, Visualisation, Rituals.
Heh, Hogwarts meets Evesham High :)

Funny thing, Humor.

It struck me today that I have no real understanding of what humor is.
Why do I laugh? Why do i like to laugh? Why do i find some things funny and others not?

To quote; The Secret Life Of The Brain
"Analyzing the physiological manifestation of laughter reveals striking similarities to seizures and even to some types of epilepsy."
Now that sounds like some scary stuff. But we still do not understand it fully...

I have been told that humor may be a self defence mechanism that protects the mind from the horrible tragedies that occur in life.
Also that it was a relief reaction after danger had passed .... removing all the fight/flight emotions and therefore linked to safety and bonding.
The more you laugh the more you bond .. and thus laugh more.
Another theory that i proposed was that this whole world is one big joke and that humor and laughter is the only rational responce to it...... i'm sure i have picked that up from somewhere but cannot remember the source atm.

Many reasons .. all mixed together.. All i really know on the subject is that it makes me feel good and i like it :)
So i'm going to keep on doing it, ok? :)

Strange day

What to write? In making a promise to myself to write every day i have put great pressure on my creative side. I have to think and articulate a subject on demand.

I find it very strange how we can hide our own feelings from ourselves. If i feel it then i should know it. But evidently i do not wish to know it and therefore it is ignored.
I am begining to think that my subconcious is only the parts of me that the Ego doesn't want to acknowledge.

The shadow grows stronger as the ego becomes more dominant. The thing is, I can be the ego and act self important. The trick is sometimes to remember that i am not the ego.
I can be the detatched mind, understanding the proceses and forces within.

But this subconcious, this beast .... I have sepparated it from myself. Even whilst understanding that it is a part of me, I cannot accept it as part of me.

Thus i have halved myself. I have given it my most powerful tools, all except command.
It has Rage, Passion, Ambition, Seduction. And i have given away the keys because i have been taught that these things are wrong.

And so they are, if used unwisely. Which is why children are told these things. But i am no longer a child and will no longer be a sheep.

It is time to wake up.
It is time to accept that which is within.
It is time to reclaim my shadow.
It is time to become all that I am.

A New Beginning

As a friend of mine has found out it is very hard to keep up a blog unless you have a very good reason for it so i shall have to find one to keep this going, otherwise it is just a waste of time.

One reason is that i am recording my daily events so that i can look back at a later date and see patterns and remember things.

Another would be that i am writing this for anyone who would wish to read some of the thoughts that i am willing to share with the general public..
That leads to another question entirely ... how much .. and where is the line to be drawn?

How about this .. each day i will write 4 things down, roughly coresponding to the 4 levels of reality
1 Objective
2 Subjective
3 Symbolic
4 Holistic

well i can give it a go anyway.

One week and still no word?

Heh i think i have been a little lax in my blogging. Well it is not the be all and end all you know!

Things that have happened since last week? I had a weekend of relaxed bliss with no-one to worry about and then a party with a lovely lady to talk to who understood what i was going through. Well even if she was only saying it then it made all the difference anyway.
Also found out that other people have the same view of my ex as i do and it's not just me who she turns on in an instant and then reverts back to a nice person again...
All very reassuring. i'm not mad!
Well..... not excessively anyway.

Also been catching up with my music library and realising how much cool stuff i have .... well ofcourse it is because i have it :)
And watching DVD's most notably Fight Club...... Now i have to resist the urge to start up an underground rebellion....
but if i could create an imaginary teacher now that would be worth the hassle.

hmmm something to think abut anyway.

Another day....another load of work!

Well, got everything back from my ex today .. my room looks like a bomb-site, but i have tomorow off to sort it out. I am going to sort the kitchen and the hall out tomorow... hmmm busy day.
Hah! for a day off aswelll... at least i don't have to get up at half 3 in the morning.

Hmmm... have been thinking of learning a little German. Something else to do with my time which would alsocome in useful at some time. But to do that i need a good language course...

have been chatting to a few people online and generally keeping myself busy.

right time for bed...

Yay Buton!

Huzzazz! Jenson actually won a race! About time really. Knew he could do it. Etc, etc.

Makes me happy anyway.
Found out i didn't have to dismantle the desk, just clean it down. Thank my lucky stars:)
Ok. Getting my computer back tomorow and getting rid of this horrid carpet. Lots of dust and hair then... Blech! But better sorted than a mess.

Hopefully the new position at work will be sorted out this week but it really depends on how long it takes to hire someone new to take over from me. I hate it when i am waiting for something to happen and i cannot influence it.... Grr!

Heh! But anyway, let it be and just work like mad so that they know when i leave them they will have a big hole to fill.. Bwaaahahahahahah!

Enough for now. Time for good positive thoughts before sleep. Ommmmm Ommm!!

My little book of tricks

It is amazing how much more organised you can be just by writing down any tasks and info neded to be remembered into a notepad / diary.
I had never before apreciated just how much more you can get done when you have a set list of things to get through.
Should be simple. Should be taught early as one of the big life skills. I should really make a list of indispensable life skills and make sure i practice them.
Hmm ..... one idea for my little website anyway.
Just have to learn how to build them! :)
Another thing for the list!
*grabs pencil and pad*

Right then off to review the books i have just read and condence their teachings into simple easy to remember notes.

And so to start...

On this day I have split up with my long term girlfriend, moved back into my fathers house and still do not know what job i am going to next week....

Sounds a little disconcerting but i feel hopefull and ... free.

It may sound a little surprising but i think this overhaul of my life is overdue. Therefore i am learning all about time management and motivational skills to both give myself something to do and occupy my mind as it works in its own unfathomable way. Well unfathomable to me anyway. I'll leave the subconcious sub and have faith that i know what i'm doing.

If you could have 3 things right now what would they be?
>A great girl
>A satisfying job
>Strong friends

Ok enough for now, i can always write more later