A Journey Shared

A Long Time Gone

2009-02-04T15:48:00.004Z

And a lot of change!

We are now married! We had a lovely wedding:

and a great honeymoon down in London! lots of getting lost, sight seeing etc...

Leo is now coming up to 11 months old, trying to walk, opening all the cupboards and generally being an unruly monkey-child!

Yes, that says "hyperactive" on his top ... most fitting!

I passed my driving test, working at a hotel, studying for a Business Studies degree ...

Lots and lots of things have been going on!

Oh, yes, we are also still crazy happy together!

Enough for now.

You never know, I might write some more before next year!

-IBard

The past week

2007-08-23T18:01:00.000Z

Well, on Thursday we went for our first scan. I had been getting worried leading upto it thinking all sorts of crazy things that could be wrong. For someone with a previously well controlled mind it is unreal what being pregnant has done! Hormones have a whole lot to answer for! Anyways, we arrived and she called us in early, she started having a look but I hadn't drank enough but she was able to see the heartbeat so sent us away for half hour to get some more fluids in me. When we went back in she could se everything clearly and in the last few minutes the baby had a big stretch and a kick so we got an extra pic! Seeing the baby move was amazing, truly!

The past week I have seemed to grow very quickly outwards, I love it though, I have a proper bump!

I didn't mention last time we are moving back to where my mum is so we have lots of family round us, that's in 4 weeks. The idea of being at home with a baby with no family and friends doesn't really fill me with joy so we're both really excited!

I went to the drs today as my back problem has started to get worse, hips especially, and she signed me off for 4 weeks-my remaining notice period. At least I can chill now and stop stressing over work and feeling guilty about leaving early because of my back.
On my way back from the drs I went by myself and had a yummy bacon sandwich and a coffee and then popped to the library to get some books out. It felt good to not have the pressure of work on me whilst I'm pregnant.

Thanks Willow for the congrats!

And then there were three.....

2007-08-14T21:00:00.000Z

There has been a long absence between the last blog post but we have a good excuse. We're having a baby! We have our 12 week scan on Thursday!

Back from a break away

2007-06-02T09:08:00.000Z

We came back Thursday late afternoon after a lovely break away at my mums. We went on Saturday, very early, after frantic packing in the morning and had a stop off in Birmingham for some shopping. Arrived at Lincoln late Saturday, it soon began to rain, which didnt stop till Wednesday.

Sunday we had a really chilled day...chatting, reading, watching DVDs, napping, cooking. Monday we went off to Lincoln despite the weather and had fun traipsing around the shops, and spending too much. We got an Ipod, well actually it was a extremely early Yule gift from my mum. We had lots of fun fiddling about with that and getting audio books to listen to (it is the nicest thing having a story read to you, makes you feel all cosy and childlike). Tuesday we went to meet my sister and nephew...I hadnt seen them for a year so it was great to catch up, they loved Mr Ibard :)

On Wednesday we finally got to go to the seaside as the weather cheered up. Here at home the seaside is quite far. Typically we went round the arcades, had a little look round the shops, played bingo (Ibard watched on at the craziness :) and bought doughnuts and rock. Thursday we travelled back and came home to our cats. Initially they were in a huff with me for leaving but an hour or so later order was restored and they wanted cuddles.

On other news, Big Brother has started and Ibard has bought me the live streaming season pass, he may live to regret this but I am very appreciative right now.

Reflections

2007-05-19T17:52:00.000Z

When you've had one of 'those' weeks...it feels heavenly when your working week finishes and you're 'you' again, and you get a real chance to reflect....

Everything is exactly as it should be at any given moment.

Right now, in my life, I wouldn't change a thing. Sometimes, it feels odd to feel this way when I spent such a long time wanting for something else. It feels odd to think about what I was doing one year ago, and how ultimately 9 months ago things 'came together', with some Divine intervention.

I feel lucky.

Grace

2007-05-18T21:00:00.000Z

I have been thinking about mystical experiences and Grace recently...
Grace as in divine love and protection.
Mystical experiences as in feelings of connectedness with everything.
The thought comes to me that the two can be the same.
I am also wondering if this is comparable to communion with your Holy Guardian Angel...
Perhaps
It, certainly to me, sounds like Samadhi.
I suppose Sahaj samadhi is more like Grace; the effortless and continual state of perfection.
How to attain?
Now thats the rub.

A bit of a Rant

2007-05-14T20:18:00.000Z

Strange things from today:

Setting up a wireless network for Adriana... Computers have to do things Their way...
A Programme on Scientology which shows just how creepy they really are.
The cats are hiding out in the flat instead of pestering us for fuss... I think something is going on there.
The fact that I was ill form work today due to a major cold and had the wierdest dream of me and Adriana inheriting a night club... and having 2 great big black dogs that roamed about town.

The computer incident should be no surprise to me. I already know that they are alkward, no offence compy, and like to do things in computereese. But, still, I think that they should make them a little more understanding... Or maybe I should be? interesting point..

The scientology thing.. I can understand the lure of their "religeon". Mystery, promises of a better life and a purpose... Somethings that Magick and Esoteric paths also aim to fulfill

But to personally attack peoples character, trawl through their past and mud-sling anyone who doesn't agree with them is worying behaviour and hypocritical of a group that purports to purifying their spirits and becoming perfect..

Also, the ammount of money they generate from their followers seems ... greedy. I know market forces say that you charge what people are willing to pay but to be seen as a religeon should they not be more "giving".

Ok, they do turn up at any disaster/emergency to help out ... but how much of that is for PR and how much to recruit new members when they are feeling vunerable and scared...

It all comes back to the fact that they are "selling" insights, purpose and hidden knowledge which are readily and freely available elsewhere. Then when you are in you are more likely to accept anything they say as true and are distanced from the outside world.... very much like brain-washing to me..

Ach, too much of a rant I know but... I know there is something intrinsically wrong about scientology.

I suppose the words "Caveat Emptor" sum up what I am trying to say ... but the seller should be open about what their product is aswell.

Poly Paradise?

2007-05-13T08:35:00.000Z

I used to think that not one person can be 'enough', especially over a long period of time in a relationship. Everyone has different aspects to their selves....and it used to seem that no one individual could compliment that long term. I changed my thinking on that, I have all I want with someone now. The idea though is certainly still very interesting to me.

It seems, and I could be wrong that polyamory is more prominent in the pagan community (I am including the majority of the occult community in pagan-there are those calling themselves 'mystic christians' who practice occultism heavily but don't get umbrellered in the term pagan, plus others). For some perhaps polyamory comes about in paganism as a side effect of their path, such as their partner not being apart of their new beliefs and finding someone to share them with, perhaps its from sex magick (though using sex magick as a means to get laid isnt what its all about, though it would be easy for boundaries to become blurred and eventually a love connection evolving), perhaps it's because pagans have 'got it' and polyamory really is the way to go, maybe pagans are generally more open to new ways of being, perhaps pagans are searching hardest of all.

I wonder if polyamory just stems from an unhappiness ultimately with the 'main' person you're with, and feeling unable to remove yourself from the situation for a variety of reasons, and then polyamory just 'suits' both parties well in those circumstances. I know a few people in rl who polyamory seems to work great for, and I know much more people online who do it. In the past I have wondered that perhaps they were just more emotionally developed people, on the other hand perhaps they're the most emotionally unstable. Who knows, I don't suppose it matters. But for those who polyamory really works for, the ones who are actually polyamorous (both partners knowledgable of this and not one person just having an affair and calling it so) and still have a wonderful loving relationship with their 'main' partner, I think that's great.

But...can you ever really find what you're looking for in another when it's within you along.

Article: Polyamory In The Pagan Community

Photograph by Rhonda Miller

Why Are You Here?

2007-05-10T21:46:00.000Z

I have been thinking recently about Purpose.

Purpose in the sense of your direction in life. An ambition. A Will to achieve something.
Does this purpose come about nautrally in your life, chosen for you from birth, or is it chosen by you and then followed?
I suppose it doesn't really matter which it is as long as you have a goal and work out the ways to achieve it.
Without purpose life seems meaningless and without value. With one you have a sense of worth, importance and happiness that is independant of outside influences.

So what is my Purpose?
Why am I here?
What do I want?

I want to write for a living.

So what is stopping me? Fear.
Failure and the unknown.
The best way to beat these daemons? Act. Set goals. start small and work up. Know that i can and that the fear is illusory.

Ok, enough thoughts for now.

Some Time

2007-05-09T18:24:00.000Z

Self-Explanation (ie. making excuses)

It has been a while since I last posted an entry on this site. In fact it has been a while since I did any writing except for a few entries in my RL diary.

Why? I could blame distractions, or work, or moving to a new flat in a new city. But the main reason is because I simply did not make time for it.
I know that no matter what the situations are, unless they are prety dire, you can always make time for blogging and catching up on the day.
I know I will miss the past few months of no entries when I look back on this blog. A short while ago we had a look through some of the older entries and the amount of memories that were triggered simply by reading my own thoughts at the time were astounding.
And that from a guy who has a selective memory. I did set out for this blog to be an aid to my memory and a think pad of my thoughts but with all tools they must be used to be useful.
Therefore, I shall start again.
There is no use trying to recap the last couple of months. Suffice to say all is well and things are, as always, great. :)

First entry in some time

Last weekend, sunday to be precise, I had my Reiki initiation. I am now a fledgling healer:) Practicing on myself and the cats and sometimes Adriana. The more I do, the better I get.

Had a wonderful Bank holiday. Went to see my mother and had a nice chat and catch up. Even the fact that the wind destroyed their gazebo/sun-shade didn't marr the day, just made it funny.
Met one of the fattest dogs on earth and tried to give it some exercise.
Had some craziness with "The Missing Pencil-sharpener"; much drama and divers alarums.
Now I have a niggling cold which A assures me is due to the initiation. Also following initiations can be more craziness etc.
Heh, talking of craziness, don't mention the butter!

On to the more spiritual side of things. I have been keeping up my reading and meditation. If there is one thing that a train commute is good for it's the opportunity to sit quietly with no distractions. I find it a little funny how so many people can sit in such a small space and Not-talk to each other. But then again this is Britain:)

Lastly, I have been trying to maintain the meditative state whilst going about my daily life. Harder than it sounds, but worth it i think.

Thats it for now. Take care and take it easy.

Beltaine Blessings

2007-04-30T16:34:00.000Z

Beltaine was always my favourite Wiccan Sabbatt, and I have such fond memories of celebrating it with my mother. For everyone that does celebrate may you have a wonderful time. Since I don't follow the Wiccan path anymore, I won't be doing a ritual but I have spent time thinking about what Beltaine marks and celebrates. Excellent time for fertility rituals ;)

Am enjoying day 2 of 4 lovely days off together due to a re-furb at work, come at a good time since my cold seems to have re-surfaced. Started planning our trip to London for Ibard's birthday next month, should be lots of fun, also kinda busy since we have managed to pick the time when kids will be off school, therefore also read more expensive...clever hotel people. When we went away in January we got a fab late deal off the internet at a 5* hotel for £60, the room was supposed to be £300, oooo and there was a pool. This time when we go I want us to catch a show, would love to see Wicked. We both read the book just recently and loved it.

The new cats are doing well, they're both curled up either side of my leg on the sofa napping......they look so cute when they're sleeping, makes you foget they're like expert escape artists....tellin ya these cats are genuises or something, they can open windows themselves!!!Takes em a while....but still, and probably all paws between them.

Thank you to everyone who's been visiting and adding to Within's forums (see side link), some good posts are starting to come up again.

We're Back!

2007-04-18T16:03:00.000Z

After, well, forever, we're back online!! With moving again, and stuff has taken some time to get a phone line put in and get broadband. So...since it's been a while, I'll quickly update you on what's been going on. We moved into a 2 bedroom house nearer to my work and in the city, is great having space and being close to everything. Ooooo, and coupla weeks ago we got 2 kitties, Avalon and Morgana, sooo cute (as you can see), they're sisters.

Now that we're back online I am getting my website back up and running. I have missed doing all my site stuff and chatting with everyone. Work's going well, everything is going well.

Morning on the bridge

2006-12-30T17:00:00.000Z

An experience:

Here I stand on a stone bridge at seven o’clock on a misty winter’s morning. Looking out over the river. I am surrounded on all sides by a thick curtain of fog. My world, alone, intruded upon only infrequently by a passing car. Grey night turns to day as the car approaches, the piercing headlights illuminating my solitary universe. Then all turns to sunset as it passes, the red tail-lights completing one short day. The metallic hum and roar of this artificial sun grow distant quickly in this blanket of fog, soon out of hearing as if it had never passed this way, returning me to my private island of night and my own thoughts.

My mind soon slows as I stand shrouded in this personal world, apart from the everyday reality. All troubles and distractions seem distant and removed. I use this feeling of calm detachment to meditate. Here on this bridge feeling the low cloud above me and the river below, letting their flows ease my mind into a calm state. A great feeling of peace and quietude comes to me. Thus I stay for some time until the outside world catches my attention once more.

I look about myself at this normal setting turned beautiful through the medium of fog. The street lights float in the sky as balls of luminous cloud. The river lies still as ice whilst the mist rolls over like water. The silhouette of trees is pierced by rays of light which trace paths of fire through the smoky air. The air itself is still and I hear no rustling in the trees. In fact, I hear no sound at all from the ducks I know live under the bridge, neither do I hear distant cars on their way to work, alarm clocks waking people to their day nor even any of the number of morning people who are out and about at this time delivering papers and milk or cleaning the streets.

This world has stopped. My breathing, the rustle of my clothes and my footsteps are the only sounds in existence. I feel as if this whole world is a dream, something illusory which we choose to live in and experience so as to learn and grow.

My breath fogs in front of me and I realise that I am cold. Yet I do not feel deadened or numbed by this cold, rather invigorated, renewed. The damp air has settled on me, washing me clean, waking me up to the reality of this world once again. Sensation reminds us that we are alive and that we exist for a reason so I shall go back into the world and live but carry this knowledge and feeling of otherness within me.

Old -> New

2006-12-21T08:45:00.000Z

K'UN - The Receptive

"Bear with things as the earth bears with us: by yielding, by accepting, by nourishing."

Yule - Shortest day; longest night. The beginning of the return.

Darkness - light rising. A turning point of the year. Time to plan for the future. What will be?

Old -> New

It seems that things that had been planned are no longer the plan. Things change and so must we. The plan may have been a stepping stone or a guide for what may be. Symbolic rather than actual. Now is the time to flow, accept and steer cautiously.
Holding on to a past Idea will only cause suffering and misery. Graciously accepting the way things are will allow you to live fully and make what you can with what you have.

Quote: Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. - Theodore Roosevelt

Live life now. There is no other time.

Blogs, Writing and All

2006-12-14T22:37:00.000Z

"Blogging 'set to peak next year'

The blogging phenomenon is set to peak in 2007, according to technology predictions by analysts Gartner.

The analysts said that during the middle of next year the number of blogs will level out at about 100 million.

The firm has said that 200 million people have already stopped writing their blogs."

BBC NEWS

Reading that makes me have to write something to show myself that i am not bored .. just really busy..

What with my Lady here and lots of gifts to buy plus work and sleep, leaves little time for me to write reflections upon life and my day.
And yet that article has spurred me on.
Good for them:)

Have recently joined The Writers Bureau and am all excited about it.
Another thing to fill my time up with! It will, however, mean i must practive writing more. Therefore i shall be updating this blog under the guise of study.

Have been thinking about this world and how it is perfect in its imperfections. How it makes complete sense in its paradoxes:)
Understanding these unknowable things is the trick ...

Feeling the unthinkable,
Ballancing opposites,
Uniting sepparates,
All is one.

Or we could just go and watch TV..... Stop these disturbing thoughts, i want to get off the round-a-bout.

All or nothing. Take your pick.

Update

2006-12-07T08:59:00.000Z

Ok I have been slack on my blog.....
A whole hoast of things have happened and I have been busy living rather than writing about it but now i have a spare half hour to put a few things down for anyone who still reads this!

Not sure i have much of a readership but still ... This blog is for my benefit aswell.

Ok since last I wrote I have hada great night out with Adriana where we met "Minty".
He is a psychic medium and very interesting to talk to.
A little bit of drama when all the lights in the house went out and we had to fumble around in the dark with fuses and candles:)
A day where I was in charge of my department... Everything went well... no big problems.
Shopping. Worrying about Presents for people.. Getting back to Work.
And fun with trains and busses which seem to disregard timetables.
Adriana has started her new job and it sounds that there is a lot to organise but she gets to call all the shots and do it her way which, listening to her talk about how the place was run, it really needs.

I haven't been checking the site much or chatting on MSN either ... but if you had as great a girl as i do, i think you would be a little lax in that department aswell.

OK thats my update for now.. catch you round.

Adriana Land

2006-12-01T16:44:00.000Z

Am writing this now so I don't get all hassled for being a lazy blogger before He comes home:) Y'know what though? If I was someone else watching me just recently I'd feel sick. It is kinda sickly when someone is so happy and in love (shhh). It's funny how perfectly everything has worked out, but I think when things are 'right' then everything else just fits how it should, things shouldn't have to be difficult. Had been here like 5 days (including the weekend may I add) and I got offered the job I really wanted, which was as it turns out was the first job I applied for. Get to be a Manager now instead of Assistant Manager, can't wait. So, I start that on Wednesday, will be nice to get a routine, don't think I'd be much good at playing housewife somehow, I need to be stimulated through my job as much as through other things :) Saying that though, I have been enjoying having lil afternoon naps.

So far have not got lost, though I feel that buildings keep moving, I misplaced the post office this morning. I was wondering the other day when..../if..... things would hit me, all this change, new place, new everything, new life, but it feels right. It feels like I've been here for ages actually, arriving from the train just a week ago seems craziness.

Now that I've done an update post your scheduled programme of occult type posts will re- commence, wether you appreciate it or not:)

Also, blatant plugging, but seriously, come and visit this friendly occult community of mine.

Structure

2006-11-29T21:23:00.000Z

Yesterday my Lady went for her interview and today she got the job!

- Much rejoicing -

Also today i picked up my diary after almost a week ... it wasn't ammused at the break in entries... * feels guilty*

I have ben given some topics to write about today .. Structure/ Habit/ Discipline.

Now, structure is - The interrelation or arrangement of parts in a complex entity: political structure; plot structure.

Considering your self as a "complex entity" anything you learn or experience becomes a part of you. It is how you relate these new things to the whole of yourself which gives rise to the structure and ultimately the person you are.
When learning anything new i think the process is Learn, Know, Understand, Become.
Become is the stage where it is fully a part of you.
Habit is something that is done without thought. Something which is a part of you, something that you have become.

Many people put a negative tint on the word Habit but there can be many good habits, otherwise known as customs if socially imposed or practices if good personal traits.

Habits however may become necesities, addictions or unhealthy compulsions. Which brings us to Discipline. You are the Master (or Mistress) of your own mind and what you say is Law. What you put in you get back out. If you train yourself with a good solid groundwork of basics before shooting for the moon you will be far less likely to come crashing back down again. Also, after crashing, with the basics in place you are more able to understand and deal with the fall out.

Normal...

2006-11-27T22:22:00.000Z

Ok what is normal?

The dictionary says normal is - Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical: normal room temperature; one's normal weight; normal diplomatic relations.

So normal is conforming to a norm ... very helpful!

Norm - A standard, model, or pattern regarded as typical: the current middle-class norm of two children per family.

So normal is conforming to a pattern regarded as typical...

Typical - Exhibiting the qualities, traits, or characteristics that identify a kind, class, group, or category: a typical suburban community.

So normal is conforming to the qualities, traits or characteristics of a group.

From that no-one can be "normal" they have to be a normal *something*

Unless you imply i am normal to mean i am a normal person ....
which opens up a whole other bag of questions ....
What is a normal person?

The answer given will probably be "Me"

Link: Beat Government Censorship!
This sounds cool ... but i wonder if the computer leting people access the rest of the net will be vunerable from those using it ...

You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already.

In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth.

Buddhism

92%

Islam

83%

Satanism

75%

Hinduism

67%

Paganism

58%

agnosticism

42%

Judaism

29%

Christianity

25%

atheism

21%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Hehehehe a Buddhist/islamic/satanist :)

Oh, One more thing : FreeCycling!

Anyone else think this is the best solution to landfill?
We should have it everywhere.

Ok better go ... am getting mobbed by someone desperate to read this! :P

Randomness

2006-11-26T21:36:00.000Z

Having been brought up with a strong influence of paganism and magick, at least on my mothers side it's interesting when contrasting stories of childhood to those who had a 'normal' upbringing. The most influential aspect for me was the Goddess influence, being raised knowing about Her. When I was growing up aspects of womanhood were always explained in a sacred context. It's such a shame how women generally tend to regard their cycles negatively and I wonder if many women would have the same gynaelogical health issues that seem to be so common now if they were able to view their bodies in a positive, sacred way.

I am aware that my mum held back a fair amount though, due to the general stigma surrounding occultism, especially when you add children into the mix, it suddenly becomes a cult case and child abuse. But, the influence and knowledge I was given has been much appreciated, and when I have children I would like to be able to show the same belief options. Also to teach about the natural environment, the wheel of the year and festivals seperate to the Christians ones.

Onto regular news stuff, am all moved in now :) Got an interview on Wednesday, and hopefully this week to chill which is much needed after the month I've had. Would love to be able to write more about this weekend, but it's pretty much not appropriate, suffice to say it's been amazing, and I'm happy.

Wonderful weekend

2006-11-26T14:08:00.000Z

*crawls from bed*
*gets to computer*
We have had a wonderful weekend together and the best thing about it is that my Lady is not going home tomorrow!
She is already home:)

Prety much everything else has gone out of the window this weekend. Should get back to Work.
Should keep on top of this blog too.. don't want to be like Adriana and let it slide:P
Ok enough for now ..maybe some more later.

One Day!

2006-11-23T23:04:00.000Z

Ok tomorrow my Lady moves in .....

- Scene Deleted -

I'm sure you didn't want to see me running around shouting all crazy like ...

I can't wait.
I haven't been thinking about much else recently.
Work - progressing slowly.
Job - interesting developments ... all hush hush atm ... ;)
Studies - Have been reading up on Teamwork and building teams recently, looking at it from a few different angles. Will post some of my thoughts when i can eventually collect them and stop thinking about other things ..

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!
- Wren and Stimpy

Nothing Much..

2006-11-21T23:22:00.000Z

Almost died of laughter earlier...
Monkeysforhelping
The video titled "Rat Shoot Rangers" had me laughing so much i could hardly breathe...
See what you think ... *Bookmarks the page*

Other than that it's been quite a quiet day.

Tower and God particle

2006-11-20T23:19:00.000Z

I think ths is going to be a short blog .. i have been on a late evening shift and have litle time to the deadline!

So, first up ... Woke up to the sound of a chan-saw .. most disconcerting!
Now we have one less tree in the back garden.

*quietly mourns for the loss of the tree*

But it was getting too dominant and cutting of the light to the other plants ..

Drew the Tower to contemplate today .. most fitting

All things pass and are reborn anew .. destruction heralds re-growth

Link:Scientists look for God
I find this stuff fascinating ..how matter is created from energy and how these exotic particles affect the universe but are undetectable...
Simply fascinating.

Mentors...Motivation and Going The Distance

2006-11-19T21:19:00.000Z

Was having a think about Orders recently and the hopes that many pin upon joining a group. Everyone in the beginning has lovely ideas of what a group may involve if they have been solitary, and many look upon a group as giving them knowledge, rather than them eventually acquiring it through the Work. Often is the case where there are some members who are not your 'cup of tea' either. I've heard various occultists say different things on that point on both sides of the coin, either work with them-you're not going to like everyone and it is part of the process, or find a group that fits you, you shouldn't have to work with those you don't like. Either are good answers, and some could go endlessly from group to group trying to find the 'perfect' one, or perhaps they just start their own ;)

But the point is, there is one I promise, is we often place hopes upon external influences and then take a knocking when it doesn't quite work out. That's life and all that business, but in the occult world does it make some turn their backs? How about mentors, it seems the same type of circumstances to me as groups, expecting something from another, not realising that the real Work is done alone. That is a pretty lonely realisation, occult life can be very lonely, no one has the same path as you, yours is always a little different, but when you meet someone or people who share the same interests then it can be pretty special, just watch the egos though :)

When the things you placed hopes upon don't work out, how do you stay motivated? For me, when I have had a situation where I've left something behind I've set up a new structure, usually with more in it, being aware that it can be easy to just be in a lull. The experience of leaving a group can be bad enough, and can have all sorts of feelings attached to it, feeling lost in yourself isn't one worth adding to the mix. Then when you look back a little while after you can re-evaluate, but throwing yourself into your Work at the time can be comforting, and it starts to take little twists and turns of its own, smoothing out a new path.

And here's a lil quiz:

You scored as Violent. You are violent. To you there is nothing better than a good spank. You like scratching and biting 'cause that's what people are for.

Violent

100%

Hot

94%

Soft

63%

Wet

63%

Exciting

31%

Sweet

25%

Shy

13%

Awkward

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

The World is Mental!

2006-11-19T14:10:00.000Z

Ok a few links to start off:
Funny sketch of interview
This actually made me fall of my chair!

Phones cause ear dammage!
I'm sure we have all had this happen at one time or another and now its a medical thing!
Patient: Hey, Doc, My ear heeps ringing.
Doctor: Oh, what does it sound like?
Patient: *Hums Nokia tune*

One cool free dl site
Now this site looks prommising and the more people that g there the better it becomes .. Free Tech!! Gotta love it:)

A Great Calvin and Hobbes strip
What can i say ... Calvin and Hobbes rule.

Also on that Found Site

Is beautiful pic .. makes me think of The Fool card ; Innocence on the path

Talking about Tarot:
Link
Link
A Quick look at the Knight of Swords ... my card:)

I have recently been thinking about thinking ... hehehehe a circular sentence if ever i saw one.

But, the more you think of something the more you see it. The more you focus on things the mopre they appear in your life.. Worrying about lack of money will assuredly mean that you will be strugling for money. Insulting and looking down on other people, even only mentaly, will cause more people to get on your nerves and anger you.

The thoughts you have affect the world. The more you concentrate on them the stronget the effect.

Why? I remember reading somewhere the phrase "The World is Mental" which made me laugh so much .. imagining the world running around in a straight jacket ... but seriously the world is made up of the same stuff as us and it's basis is ..... thought energy..Ok we cannot understand all that information directly so we have filters and symbols and a way of percieving the world that we can relate to... But the more we understand, then the more we can see.

This sea of information can be called the astral plane or the Dreaming or a host of other names but it all ammounts to the same thing. Our thoughts are part of the curent and therefore affect the whole.
So next time you have something you want to do think about the goal and sollutions. Don't focus on the problems because if you do then you will end up hitting one wal after another and the biggest irony is ... You put them there!

Goal/Deadline

2006-11-18T23:24:00.000Z

Note to self - I want an answer to life the universe and everything bu the end of next week. And don't give me any of that 49 crap from hitch-hikers!

Giving yourself a goal and setting a deadline is one of the most effective ways of making something happen. Methods used to achieve that end are ... endless and some work better than others but on the whole the main framework is the goal/deadline.

Although, sometimes, the goal can be an open ended one.
Goal: write this blog
Deadline: 12 midnight

Yee gads! how long? quick write some spraff about anything. what anything? I don't know just write dammit!!
People are depending on you! aaarrghh .. too much pressure!! gonna snap ...
Ach hold on there sonny jim you can take it ... just buckle up your safety pen and get to it.

Ok sorry... A momentary lapse in sanity ... doesn't happen often .. honest ..
Ooohhh a link : Random Note
Just makes me chuckle .. found in Homeymoon haven ... priceless

Appart from that the day has been strange .... day off work due to illness...
studying and practicing a bit of stuff..
Phone chat and funky stuff on the web ..

Yup theres the deadline gotta go .. don't want to miss the boat... I should really put more thought into these posts :)

Fire!

2006-11-18T17:13:00.000Z

Someone has been playing with their paint programme..

At last

2006-11-18T14:35:00.000Z

Today I actually have a day off, a day off that does not involve car trips to fetch furniture from the old house, sitting on hold on the phone speaking to people to sort out addresses and new details, or unpacking and re-arranging. Have had a crazy week at work, almost 50 hours, and am pretty much shattered, but did get a nice lie in today. I'm glad I have less than a week before I leave, wanting to be somewhere else really makes a girl impatient. I was never very good at patience either. This weekend, am going to do some clever packing, a fair amount of my temple stuff is already there, but there are some bits left to take, I guess robes are not priority and can wait a month or so till all my stuff gets moved. I think a certain someone shall never have to buy occult/magick books again, reading mine will take quite some time I think:)

Hmmm, other things of interest....my interview has been moved a little, which works out much better, am now guaranteed a day or two to sort myself out and settle in, perhaps even unpack neatly so I don't create an area of chaos that seems to come so naturally.

Someone I know is getting initiated today.....and that brought me back round to pondering that subject, is a favourite of mine. I have had a fair number of initiations myself, and actually none of which were self-initiations which is possibly odd, not sure. So there more initiations someone has, does it change their treatment of it in terms of preparation? Personally, I am all for fasting before hand, and have done so on all my initiations. It is nice if it is possible to be alone as much as can be for a day or so prior. In any case, we have had some interesting topics of conversation this week, from serpents and kundalini, triangles, holy trinities, general symbolism and the 'taking' of an initiation. I think out of all the initiations I have had, the first was the most impactful on my life, my Craft initiation, it started out the path I walk today, and it initiated a Goddess connection. An interesting thing I noticed as well when reading through my magickal diaries, all my initiations have been around Midsummer.

On another note, don't do that personality disorder quiz Ibard put up, it is clearly wrong, I know for a fact I am perfectly normal, and my results were trying to say otherwise :)

Half way between here and the land of Nod

2006-11-17T22:57:00.000Z

Today was busy busy busy.

then i had a nice chat with Chloe and Claire.
Then an even nicer bath in which i fell asleep.

In some ways i like this feeling of being almost dreaming but still awake..
In others though .. its hard to think straight when you are trying to write a blog... I suppose free association might be an intersesting experiment .. but possibly utter nonsense to anyone else reading ..
oooo downloaded a funky programme today : PhraseExpress

will be playing with that for some time i think
heres my first test :
Test!
Test!
Test!

This is a test!

Do not be allarmed!
hehehe

as for tests I did a little experiment thois morning which turned out quite well ... Will have to repeat and find outmore.

To sleep! perchance to dream:--ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
- Hamlet - Shakespeare

So goodnight to all and to all a good night ... where did that come from?

Smoking and Thinking

2006-11-16T21:40:00.000Z

I have been thinking recently about smoking and Elemental Fire....

We breathe constaltly, putting us in touch with Air.
We drink regularly; thus Water.
Eating gives us some of the fibre asociatd with Earth .. also being in contact with the ground itself.
But Fire ... we have Heat and sunlight i suppose but smoking is much more direct. ... admittedly it isn't healthy but then neither is living. We all die of it some day:)

K also sent me a good book about Dream Yoga.. very interesting and Thank you K.

It is an area that i working on most nights and this gives me some more directions and ideas.
Know Thyself .. those words keep coming to mind.

Also Within seems to have gotten Quiet recently ... must try to initiate some thought provoking posts ....

Now all i have to do is think ...

Personality disordered!

2006-11-15T22:10:00.000Z

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Low
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Low
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

So it is official .. a am moderately disordered:P

I like where it says Magical thinking is schizotypal!
as for Narcisism ... well i care what i look like ... at times ... when it counts..
Some times Impression is everything....
Antisocial ... hmmm well it says moderate so i can't be that dangerous right? :)

For another piece of news : Life Originated in Space!

Apparently these red cells came from a commet and could have been simmilar to ones that started the whole of life off..
Their paper
This has some interesting info in ... unfortunately no news yet on if they actually reproduce .. which would be the big step towards proving life can cross space..

Oh, just one more thing .. Borked! Heehehe this is my newest favorite word ... Am trying to fit it into conversations:)

Getting closer....

2006-11-14T22:13:00.000Z

Things are progressing well, only 10 more days. Job stuff is looking promising too. Just getting things all tied up this end ready to leave, busy with all my regulars at work trying to get as many treatments in as possible before I go. Will miss some of them, known many for 5 years, almost friends even. But, am all excited for moving, can't wait even, not that I am inpatient of course.

Was thinking today about devotional paths and the relationship one has with their patron Deity, if gender is an issue. Can a woman ever have the same deep, almost closeness with a Deity of the opposite gender to them, and vice versa? Is it more a question and consideration of shadow issues which can influence a particular want/need in the type of way that develops? Do aspects of a Deity eventually fulfill an aspect of the Self, hence new visitations of new aspects of the Divine?

Update

2006-11-13T22:03:00.000Z

Back again after a lovely chat with my lady.

Feeling better already. I have written before on the pointlessness of comparing yourself with others but my mind is still playing that old game it seems.

At least once it is recognised it can be dealt with.

Just keep in mind that it is a long climb and if you worry about not being atthe top you will never get there.. Also it occurs to me that the old saying "it is the journey that counts, not the destination" has some relevance here .. althought i would argue over the destination being of some import... if you were traveling to the land of make believe faries then the journey would be .... pointless in any case so again it comes down to the journey being the thing.

And whilst on that journey you change and discover and overcome and al the other things you are supposed to do in a "Real" life ... not one spent devoted to the television andwhere you are going next weekend.

Am i comparing there? hmmm, point taken.

well thats my update for now.

The Doldrums

2006-11-13T18:33:00.000Z

Today has been a strange day ... I am in the doldrums. The wind stopped blowing and the sea went still.
I am sitting in my boat, lost, without direction.
I knew it was comming some time but it still doesn't help:) A time of reflection and introspection.

Reading through my old blogs and my Diary will help me get some focus.

So off i go to work.

Party and rest

2006-11-12T17:12:00.001Z

Last night was fun. I went to a friend from works wedding reception.

Imagine turning up to a room where there is only the bride that you know... Kinda weird feeling but in the end some more people from work turned up and we had a great time. It was so good that i even ended up drunken dancing... A sure sign that the party was good:)

I remember having many interesting conversations with people but am a little hazy over what the topics were ....
Some were about managing people, relationships, other people, marriage, and Doctor Who (with two very cute little children) I think their mother was glad to have them chirping on at someone else other than her for a while:)

No-one ended up in the fountain.

This morning was spent drinking lots of water and sleeping for almost 12 hours ... I needed some rest!

Ok, a few links for you all:
Panda Porn!
Storm on Saturn - mibi thats why we have all been a little ... out of sorts... changes and all..
Lincoln teaches how to use E-mail. - It goes for all non face to face communication
4 seconds may be too long. - hmm, how long does this page take to load?

Witch School-a public face of Wicca

2006-11-12T01:04:00.000Z

Witchschool.com is an online Wiccan, pagan, magickal training programme, though it now has a physical campus. The idea is based around a mentor system and a degree structure with clergy, yep clergy and there's badges and everything. The tradition it teaches is Correlian. Anyways, I am not here to promote them, you can find out what they do easily enough, am just going to rant a lil about what is wrong with them and how it reflects upon Wicca as a whole.

Any new religion, and Wicca is only over 50 years old, is going to change, adapt and mould. It is pretty difficult to see though now, what Wicca really is. Not many Wiccans know either. A big appeal of Wicca is the devotional aspect that emphasises self development, perhaps the bigger appeal though is that compared to main stream religions it is very unstructured. Undoubtedly that's a good thing, but it doesn't take too long before people have developed their path so much it doesn't resemble Wicca at all and yet that is how they identify themselves. I shouldnt care, but it does give serious practioners of Wicca a bad name (though I personally don't/can't identify myself as Wiccan any longer). Some may go as far to say as the only 'real' Wiccans are Gardnerians. If you take a look at Witchvox and do a search for traditions there is just a crazy amount and after 5 minutes of reading through them it won't be long until you realise why Wicca isnt taken seriously anymore. Which brings us back round to Witchschool, a public face of Wicca, from the amount of press coverage it has been enjoying of late. Their personal press releases don't help matters, from the school being likened to Hogwarts. That kind of comparison, Wicca can do without, it is plenty hard enough already for the public to not equate Wicca to a fantasy based path.

But, it is really the way Witchschool goes about things, and much of that boils down to the issue of Wicca being a Mystery Tradition, or at least it was. These kinds of paths are not for everyone, there has always been some king of filtering process. Witchschool prides itself on training anyone, for a fee of course. Therefore, all kinds of people become a representation of the religion, as well as those who are able to pass multiple choice questons who then get to become clergy and have degree badges. But, I guess there was a gap waiting to be filled of 13 year old High Priests. It is certainly a worry for those who may put trust in these on-line trained High Priests and Priestesses, the skills learnt and developed in pagan paths are not from online reading and multiple choice.

There's a ton of other stuff that is wrong with Witchschool and the set-ups that will undoubtedly follow, but neither will there be a perfect tradition or religion for that matter. It's not the religion that I have a problem with, I love Wicca infact, is just the Wiccans I guess and the mess that's gettin made. Hopefully though, Wicca will evolve into something beautiful again, and the Harry Potter types will move on soon enough.

Know Thyself

2006-11-10T23:16:00.000Z

Ok I have been up too long reading and thinking and chatting and Not Writing.

Will have to call off the whole NaNoWriMo thing ... I am simply too lazy and unwilling to devote time to it...
Ah well.

Have been thinking about "Know Thyself" .... Had a little chat with my brother about; What, why, who and how...

Was interesting.

One link for you all: False Guru Test

Also another point to think about: What does a Capital Space look like?
for example lower case c, Capital C ... so what about spaces?? What should happen in the screen if i hold down Shift Space?

A modern Koan for you all:) Unless you think it an entirely useless question ... ahh well...

Oh, just one more thing ( I just love Columbo/ Peter Falk) I have decided to stop using "de-qualifiers" in my writing/ speach .... phrases like "i feel" tend to strip what i am actually saying into a pointless waste of words ...

Contrast - "I feel that people should be judged on their merits and flaws alone"

With - "People should be judged on their merits and flaws alone"

Have i got my point across?

If i sound more opinionated then that is not my intention but getting my thought across is ...

It's love when he lets you write blog entries y'know

2006-11-10T22:26:00.000Z

Since I am possibly the worlds worst blogger I'll just ease myself in all gentle like. But....few entries in and I may get taken off from jealousy on Mr Ibard's part. I know he will not be able to stand me writing better blogs than him :)

I would like to have this blog as a mix of occult based entries and regular life ones. At the moment 'regular' life is demanding my attention until I am moved and settled, is difficult waiting to be where you want to be...who you want to be with. 2 weeks though...not much longer to wait. Still, shows my dedication to my path when I still do what needs to be done magickally despite the circumstances. But, that's what magick and the Path is about, being as dedicated when things are not running as smooth. Anyone can be doing the right stuff in the easy times after all. By things not being 'easy' right now, I merely mean the amount of change that my life is going through, but everything is going exactly as it should be, how it is meant, and I am crazy happy.

Here's a linky to an occultists blog I enjoy reading: Magickal Thought

Return of the Cold

2006-11-09T22:48:00.000Z

I thought I had it Beat but it came back on me...
Damn cold ... I try to concentrate on studying and it makes me wander ... I really should be able to concentrate more than this.

Haven't had time to work on that purpose idea from yesterday ..

In short today was a bit of a non-action day ...

And something relating to an earlier post this week :

You Are 50% Selfish

You are quite balanced. You are able to compromise when it's in the best interests of those involved.
But you're no pushover. If something is important to you, you'll get it!

How Selfish Are You?

Mr. M, Fight! and Purpose.

2006-11-08T21:04:00.000Z

Ok, Back to the Blog.
Unprofessional, unfocussed, unaware .. un-everything that a blog should be i guess .. but hey it's just my mind rambling on most of the time and when i have a fair to middling day there is not so much to write about..

So lets write about some1 else ...
Lets call him Mr. M. Now this Guy ALways moans. About everything... He slacks off at work and then moans that there is too much to do... well of course there is because you have been sitting on your arse all morning not keeping up with the workload.. Moans that he doesn't get his breaks ..What break can you have from piddling around doing nothing? And then Moans that the place is a mess when it's his job to keep it organised! .. well some people want to make their life a Drama...
it only makes everyone want to piss him off even more ..

Anyway ..

Hmmmm when is a fight not a fight?
Link: Fight Club with Bunnies!
When it is training? When it is play?
When you are not trying to gain Power over the opponent... I think that is the main key to a fight.

Link:Your Life Purpose
Now this looks interesting ... would have to play with it a little but .. looks interesting...

Body language and power

2006-11-07T19:26:00.000Z

Something i have been reading about lately is how to interpret and understand someones body language and tone of voice.. and how to effect yours to emphasise your mesage.

Seeing as how over half of all communication is this non-verbal variety it is surprising that more people do not look into it.. Not surprising that they do not teach it at school because, lets face it, school is only for you to pass some exams and not for actual practical implementation in the real world.

To look at it one way i suppose it is a good thing.. an ace in the hole for the type of person who wants to look into this sort of thing that the mundane masses cannot be bothered to learn about something that affects them so much and how they are giving away more than they know when in contact with someone with this knowledge.
to get control you need power, to get power you need understanding ... to get understanding ... you must cultivte knowledge and apply it- and then learn from your results..

- Evil laugh -

But really, I'm a nice person.. honest.

I am selfish! so sue me.

2006-11-07T19:20:00.000Z

Back again after a little ritual and some dinner.

Julie and my brother came around after that ... asking for some money for the bed i am using at the moment... Well I did get money from richard by selling it to him in the first place .... I am tempted to say OK here you go keep the bed .. but you are going to have to take it now..
hehehe

I don't think he is going to get anything off me for quite some time and by then I'll have moved out and won't need the bed so he can happily keep it then.
At the moment my money is tied up in other things and he just wants money to buy silly toys to play with. My need is greater so :P

If i sound selfish then that is because I am:)

I'm Back!

2006-11-07T15:11:00.000Z

Ok I am alive... my short nap turned into a 12 hour zonk out. Really hit me did that cold .... It has all but cleared up now, just got to get rid of the sore throat and i am back to my full healthy self.

Only glad that it didn't hit me like that over the weekend!

Ugg

2006-11-06T20:57:00.000Z

Ugg ... Have cold .. am tired .. will have short nap and return later.

Weekend catch up

2006-11-04T17:51:00.000Z

Saturday: we found our new flat! Have to wait till the end of november, then the fun really begins... All that packing and moving and unpacking... Getting new furniture and sorting out he phone line..
But it will all be worth it.

Sent a few CV's off for my Lady's new job hunt. Shouldn't be too long till we hear back from them..

Poor Stitch is all affeared of the fireworks... He has spent most of the night tucked away in the smallest nooks and crannies he can find.

Sunday: A nice relaxing day with nothing to do. Talk, reading, eating out and making love.
Beautiful ... Every day should be like this :)

Have not wrote a single thing for my story this weekend but i don't feel bad about it .. I'll catch up later.. I had more important things to do with my time.

Electricity improves memory: Link - Note this does not mean you plug yourself up to the wall.

Carlos, get out of my Head!

2006-11-03T00:04:00.000Z

Today is another rush job.
I have not written a single thing on my NaNoWriMo story ... am already getting worried that i am going to fail miserably .... but it can all turn around right?

Stone Henge isn't the best tourist attraction in the world.

Carlos Castaneda keeps entering my thoughts ... an odd sensation :) Him and his second attention! Ah well even he would get weirded out by the dream i had last night ... A floating Lego Dinosaur?
It's not right i tell you .. not natural:)

heh try this for a laugh: Sledge game

Also i will be a little busy this weekend.... My Lady is coming to visit and we will be looking around for job opportunities.

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is likely to be filled with great successes and accomplishments. You just need to figure out how to get there.

For you, falling in love is all about the adventure and uncertainty. You can only fall in love with someone who keeps you guessing.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

I'll see if i get chance to pop on at the wekend though .. just for you:)

Sailing away on a lovely day

2006-11-01T22:13:00.000Z

Ok my blog is going to be short today .. I am strugling with my story... 971 words so far ... too many to go!
Am also feeling slightly off either ill or unbalanced slightly....don't know what it is yet and hope it isn't too bad ... will do a little meditation on the subject later ... see whats up...

Other things ..Life seems to be opening up and flowing for me .. all kinds of little things that could have easily gone another way have decided to flow mine. I guess something i did worked:)
But let us not be hasty ... things can change at any time... I'm just enjoying the ride at the moment. When it's time to re-set the sails or start paddling then i'll be ready to focus on the next thing.
Whatever that may be.

Damn my dog is such a wuss.. will not leave my side because of the fireworks ... wonder what he will be like this weekend....

So now begins the dark half of the year... Just remember your candles people:)

Fire! Flats and People Watching

2006-10-31T20:21:00.000Z

One day left until I subject myself to the cruel and unusual punishment of NaNoWriMo.
I wonder if i truly understand what i have decided to try .... It ain't going to be pretty but at least i can write complete crap without having to worry about re-editing. There will simply be no time!

Things not to have hgappen to you when in the dark trying to light a bonfire:

Your torch stops working
The wind blows out the candles
Your lighter decides to play silly buggers
The rain completely soaked your long burning wood
the nice quick burning wood gives of enough acrid smoke to make your head spin
Your Seat keeps sinking in the mud
You almost loose your hair to the blaze
You forgot the marshmallows

Well even after that i had a nice blaze for a while and sat down for a few beers and toasted the dead ... At least the moon came out to help me find my way around otherwise i might have been calling for help from the middle of a Bramble Maze.
Over all - partial success and enough lessons learned to make the next attempt more successful

Other happenings today:

Found a flat. Simple and easy. Knock and you shall be answered, ask and you shall recieve.

Met the Ex for lunch, The conversation went something like"I'm fine, Were better as friends, I'm happy you found someone else, Be sure before you move in."
Well I'm sure as sure can be and maybe a little more:) Things have a way of working out don't you think?

Reading: People Watching by Vernon Coleman

Interesting. I like the act of People watching and do it whenever i get the chance. Nice to see that I'm not alone:)

Hmm not too cryptic today i feel...I must add something more metaphorical...

Oh yes, Smoking is a Bitch .. it always creeps up on you and pounces at the worst time...
You never get over it. I am Smokings Bitch. *Bark bark*

Have you ever noticed how some people keep eating food that they know is no good for them just because they like the taste? Or it comforts them?
Addictions are hard things to master and they Lurk unsen when beaten, only to creep up on you again.
If only we could tell ourselves that these things are bad ... but we still insist that they are good...even against out own experience...

Anyway enough ... catch you round.

Writing and the Internet

2006-10-30T23:37:00.000Z

Ok first off in the month of november i will be trying to write a story for NaNoWriMo .
It sounds like it will be a bit of a laugh and possibly hard work at the same time ... we will see :)

Ok for anybody who thought that the Internet was our modern day version of the Tower of Babel ...

Trouble for the internet

Ah well lets see how it rides out the storm.

Quick Fix?

2006-10-29T20:46:00.000Z

News links:

Just a few pieces of news that stood out for me this weekend.

I have been thinking about how most modern day fixes are about stopping the symptoms and not really dealing with the cause.
Ok it may be harder to work out the cause and more work getting to the root and addressing it but in the long run you save time and energy by not going over the same ground again and again..

My lady and I are looking round for a place to live. That's going to be wonderful; waking up together each morning. But first to find the place..

Hmmm.. is there a word to sum up hopeful longing with a dash of impatience?
How about Yearning ... that seems to sum it up..

and one more link for a chuckle:
who needs crimewatch?

Honey, what's life?

2006-10-26T21:31:00.000Z

So honey, what happened today?

Not much sugar-pumpkin. Went to work. Came home. Saw you. Had dinner. Watched film. Went to bed.

Who could live a life like that? I think I'd go mad .. if i wasn't already.
Calvin and Hobbes! nothing to do with the theme, just fun.

What are the basic necessities of life?
Urban Dictionary Definition
Kabbalah Definition
And one to sum up what i couldn't put into words

Life and Love

2006-10-25T18:25:00.000Z

Today was another fine day.
As many of them are.
decided to look for a new place...
Got an internet phone ... cheep calls to landlines and the US and free to other internet phones!
Dog being bad ... eating out of the bin ... heh i caught him and gave him such a shock he fell of the table!

Hmmm i have 2 requests for a topic today ... Love and Codes ...
How about love is a code? or ... loving codes ...hmmm or how about writing about love in a code ...
But on reflection Love is a complicated enough subject as it is...
So i will go to the greek words for love; Agape, Eros, Philia and Storge.

Agape: Unconditional love, divine, general afection or concern, self sacraficing, giving love to all, intelectual love.

Eros: Pasionate love, sensual desire and longing, apreciation for the beauty within.

Philia: Virtuous love, friendship, dispassionate, loyalty to friends and family, wanting the best for them not you.

Storge: Familial love, natural affection as between parent and child, emotional connection.

hmmm ... AEPS comparable to AFEW ?

ok enough for now .. will ponder more at some other time.

Life is a story

2006-10-24T11:40:00.000Z

It does seem that life in general tends to get in the way of me writing this blog each day and i have to play catch up a lot of the time ...I haven't set a particular time for writing so it tends to happen when the mood takes me and i'm sure you can see that it doesn't always take me very far .. She is a fickle mistress, writing.

Monday: Early morning to see Adriana off. Spent the rest of the day in a semi-daze of sleepiness. Thats my excuse for not writing yesterday .. not very strong i know and it wouldn't stand up in court but, hey, you're not going to sue me are you??

Tuesday: Spending most of the day reading and writing. Thinking and learning..

I have been thinking about comparing peoples lives to stories and how the main elements of stories relate to them.

Theme: The belief and way in which the world is viewed.. Affecting everything that you do. The underlying curent of your existence.

Plot: All the things that happen in your life and how you respond. The choices you make and the results that follow.

Conflict: A big interest in any good story is the interaction of the character against whatever is set against them. As so in life; without conflict you have nothing to push aginst or strive for.

Setting: Where you are and what is happening in the world around you. How this affects you and what you feel towards it.

Character: You. Everything that has made you what you are and everything that you are aiming for. As with a story, in life if you have no good sense of the character then it can all seem meaningless.

All of these parts have to be balanced in a good story and too much concentration on one can disrupt the rest. A lack of another can also reduce the story to a bunch of words on a page.

Character developmentis an issue i have been mulling over. Without some change in the character in the story, some lesson learned or obsticle overcome it is very hard to see it as any more than a description of events rather than a story.
If we were constantly reacting based on our past we would never change and remain the same throuought our adult life. I feel that understanding the how's and why's of us and using that knowledge to develop is one of the main purposes of life. Indeed it may be the only one, but i will not go so far as to sugest i think i know the answer to life:)

Dogs, Mud and Creativity

2006-10-19T21:42:00.000Z

Another day where i wake up at noon..

Heh, almost lost the dog today .. he pulled a fast one and doubled back on me ...Found him in the brook about 10 minutes later rolling around in the mud ... Good dog.. not.

Ok, one of the messiest jobs in the world is cleaning your dog.. no matter what you do the crap gets everywhere.

You Are 92% Happy

It's unlikely that you know anyone happier than you.
You know how to be happy, no matter what life throws at you.

How Happy Are You?

Have been looking around the internet for more filler posts ...I really should get some thinking down on this blog otherwise it will tur into a cut and paste board which is completely deviod of any original content...
And that is writing nothing at all but with extra work involved ...What would be the point in that?

If something raises an idea it could be incorporated into the blog as the origin of the idea..
I think with all my studying that i am doing i have left little time for more creative thinking ... hmmm must find some kind of optimum.

I keep coming back to the idea of creativity coming from a fountain within myself.. the things i see and hear get taken in and mixed up in the cooking pot of my mind. Then newer ideas spring forth ready to be looked at and utilised ...

Now i realy have to go to bed otherwile i'll be a zombie tomorrow..

River front

2006-10-18T18:24:00.000Z

Today i recieved more post! Yay!
Now i have a nice couch to lounge around on:) Actually i fell asleep on it earlier and almost missed meeting some1 up town!
Today I have come to the conclusion that so many people have different definitions of the same words that I may have to set some kind of standard up..The IBardionary.

Went for a little walk and found a nice place to sit by the river.
Will try to find some time to draw a bit there.
have to do some work on my sercet book as well tomorrow ...

Nice lazy day

2006-10-17T21:12:00.000Z

Yup Holiday Time has caught up with me already:)
Today was a lazy day .. Lie in .. mooch about the house.
Have a coffee.. Watch a film or two: Resident Evil and Alien Versus Predator
Read ...doodle .. go shopping
Meet up with Julie... dinner..
More chilling and chatting ...

Nice day:)

You Are 36% Pure

You've either done it, thought about it, or at least heard about it.
Luckily, there's a few things left for you to try!

How Pure Are You?

Surely not? I'm good i am .. honest! Got the halo and everything to prove it ... I just left it lying around over here somewhere....

Yeah, yeah; leave me be :)

2006-10-16T12:12:00.000Z

Ach so i missed a few days ...
Sue me! :P
Well i kinda got into the habit of staying up too late reading etc and just not DOing ..

Anyway here i am after getting a kick up the behind from Sux..
So i last wrote on Thursday ..
Friday : Work went well ..I think i have made my point:) Was going to go out for a drink with a friend but they had to cancel. Watched Matrix revolutions.

Saturday: Work was excelent because i knew that this was my last day for a week!

Don't ya just love holidays?? :) Was supposed to meet up with friends tonight aswell but had a major headache from lack of sleep so canceled and had a kip ... Watched Dawn of the Dead (2004 version) .. Gotta love a good Zombie film:)

I don't know about you guys but have you ever watched a zombie movie and thought that you were one of the survivors and all the sleepers around you were the zombies?
If not then i'll just go put my straight jacket back on and sit in the corner... :P

Sunday : Spent the whole morning asleep .. damn i needed that! Rerad up on yogic sleeping .... K has some good info in his noggin if you can get around all that goat stuff :)

Project Secret Book Part2 :

Hmm need a better title for that .. But anyway it is still there .. still untouched and ready to be made mine. All i have to do is hollow it out and put a few things in it to make it truly mine.

Actually went out with friends today:) Played cards, got drunk, had a laugh, caught up with a few things and met Chloe's new flatmate.. seems an interesting bloke.

Monday : Today goes to show why i should not go up town with money! :)
I went up to return a Library book and get a haircut and imediately found myself in a cd/dvd shop ... now I have another zombie film to watch and a funky cd to rock to..
Also bought a book : the Mind Gym

Looks very interesting and .. practical which was the main selling point.
So now i am on 'holiday time' and do not have to obey the rules of sleep ... interesting :)

Post box: Still awaiting 2 items in the mail .. grr damned posties hurry up!

I'll set Stitch on you!! I will, don't make me do it!

"Bark Bark! Let the Lord of Chaos Rule!"

Ball!!

2006-10-12T20:46:00.000Z

OK a recap on my rubber band ball...
It was :

Now it's :

Progress i think ....

Today was calmer .. I think either the shit hit the fan or they realised that i was not going to dance to their ridiculous tempo..
Either way i'm happy

... night

No Milk please I'm British

2006-10-11T23:27:00.000Z

I have no idea what to write today ...
Work was busy ... less staff more work ....
presure and tempers rising ... I stayed as calm and detached as i could .. although i think that just wound others up ... but that is their decision not mine.

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I think that sums it up..
Also it's far to late to be awake but i'm still here typing away and reading stuff..
Am thinking of cutting out milk from my diet i think it might have a neg affect ..
Will have to start having black coffee ...
Ok thats a go for tomorrow then.
Cya and take care

Seeker Me!

2006-10-10T18:02:00.000Z

Today was a wonderful day. OK most days off are wonderful:) But this one more so..
I had another piece of post today that makes 2 out of 4. Now i have another book to read! heheh
Returned a Shite book to the library - again- and picked up 2 new ones they sem promising.. - yes that's right MORE books...
Well I just love reading. As long as i do something practical with what i learn then thats ok.
And practical i was today. Project Secret Book leapt forward with a giand Bound today.. I found where it is and started to make it mine... There are a few tests i have to do and next week will be the big ones but so far what i have found is very promising ... yes i know its cryptic but thats the point :P

Hmm I have also been thinking more about gardening/ forrestry as a metaphor for cultivating your mind and spirit. Perhaps that was a reflection on Zen gardens ... but my metaphor had a little more colour .. so not realy very Zen :)
But then again having a Zen garden part of the whole garden where you can go to meditate is ...a good optimum i think..

Also i went on a net search for little things to ammuse myself with ... what is it with surveys that are so interresting? Anyway this is one that i did today :

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges.
You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions.
Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist.
Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!).

Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.
And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.
You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.
Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.

Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Sounds kinda accurate i suppose:) .. also :

You Are 45% Left Brained, 55% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

cool almost balanced :P

Books and books

2006-10-09T18:57:00.000Z

After deleting my blog by accident i am forced to again write it...
But how can i re-write what was once written? It has gone, never to return.
I will not be able to re-capture those words again and if i copy from memory what i thought i wrote they would be but faint shadows of their former selves.

Anyway Chaos hapenend at work today... everything was reorganised for the new season. No-one knew where anything was and 'I' am supposed to help everybody?? hehehe ... Head office likes to give us stuff to do...

But on the plus side Adriana's book arrived today: Modern Magick by Kraig
Thank you again Adriana, i think i will be reading this one a lot.
Along with the ones Kherux sent me and all the others i have been buying... oh boy
So now thatleaves me with 3 more items in the post.. wonder when they will come ...

Onto other news: Project Secret Book might be moving on to the next level tomorrow.. It's all a bit hush hush but i'll see what i can pass on to you guys when and if ...

Also one piece of advice .. if you make a promise ...be sure you are ready for the consequences.

Touch typinf?

2006-10-08T13:47:00.000Z

Missed yesterday.
Not a lot happened anyway.
I think i have spent most of my Pay check already and it has only been a few days ... scarry how money dissapears.. but then it was earmarked for certain things and had to be spent.
I am going to try touch typing for a while, see how much difference it will make. Also something new to learn. Handy as well. slower than normal, but i think that the training will ultimately pay off.
OK, today i have been doing chill out stuff .. reading writing ... chatting ..
Things for Within, well a little...
Walked my dog. Just mundane stuff today but i caried round a feeling of connectedness.. existing now rather than thinking of then and when...

It is pointless and dammaging to compare yourself with others for you will always get a relative answer without knowing the true position of the two points.

"Powerful improvements are underway. Follow the example of the sage and assist others sincerely. All good comes when we are innocent."

Music is Music

2006-10-06T22:52:00.001Z

This is a beautiful day
It is a new day
We are together, we are unified
And all for the cause
Because together we got power
Apart we got power

Today on this program you will hear gospel,
And rhythm and blues, and jazz
All those are just labels
We know that music is music

- Primal Scream "Come together" /uk album edition

Ok the lyrics by themselves will not get the feeling over but they really picked me up this morning.

I have been thinking about climbing that mountain again .. At the moment i think i have set up camp. Waiting for the sherpa's to arrive ... I might have to go on alone, they have not come yet.

Today i had a nice example of how the universe supplies your needs, sometimes even beforeyou knew that you had that need. All I had to do was ask and i got more than expected.
Freedom is never really freedom... just freedom from "Something".
Fate would laugh if he heard us talking of our free will..
Yes you have it, he would reply, but you have chosen to follow strict rules and laws. You have run from the field of the world to your small homesteads. Hiding from the sky and the emptiness within.

I'm going to go and play outside now, see ya later

I Love Post!

2006-10-05T22:34:00.000Z

Don't you just love getting things through te mail?
I don't mean bills and junk mail ... they aren't post .. just crap thrown through your door .. i mean actual post that you really want.
As you may have figured I got some of that today; A few books sent by Kher, Thanks mate.
I will be up too late tonight reading some of those books.
Again i getthe feeling that i have too much to learn in too little time .. but one step at a time is how you travel...
So what is my next step? :)
Well for now i will concentrate on what i have been doing and wait for an opportunity to arrise, a direction to show itself .. as it were ...
Need to write another short story aswell..
One day i will put a few of these together..
so off i go to write, take care now and try not to get addicted to writing, she's a hard mistress.

Fume and Forget

2006-10-04T20:48:00.000Z

Ever had one of those days where you wish you could be in two places at once? split yourself down the middle and get on with both things you need to do?
Well today I didn't feel like that but others certainly wished that i could... You can never please all the people all the time ... so ... Whats the point in trying hey?

Well at least I know how to "Fume and Forget" Sounds like a fancy military toy doesn't it? heh well its more my phrase for feeling what you aew expreiencing and bringing it to yur full attention then dealing with it .. and .. letting it go ..

Started reading my 'possibly shite' library bok now .. it's a lot of background stuff and no real info but i will see what i can glean from it .. my holistic learning idea needs a test :)
Everything has something of value even though it may not be evident until you learn more. Some ideas are Keystones holding a recoglisable system together and others are bridges or supports .. and some day you can step back and look at it as a whole and see what you have been searching for.
- Just an Idea ...

Writing is a bitch

2006-10-03T21:48:00.000Z

I'm stuck for something to write but write i must. If i stop for this excuse then i will stop for another.
To persivere is the only way to break though a block and persivere i shall.
But it would be so much easier to just leave it to tomorow. Put the load down and rest... sleep here and wait for the morning ..
When morning comes who is to say that i shall want to write? and so it will wait another day.
And writing lurks. It waits round the corner... Ready to jump out and begg you to restart your relationship. Clawing at your leg as you try to walk away, you end up draging it down the street..
Please come back to me please ....
I'll be good .... whatever you want ...
But you know as soon as you pick up that pen again it will be off with someone else inspiring them and leaving you feeling hollow dejected and worthless ..
Damned bitch, did it again... got me interested and strung me along only to drop me again..
I realy should have wrote somethiung tonight but this wil have to do ..
All things are p[roceeding at their wn pace and i'm being patient

Freedom of spirit

2006-10-02T20:38:00.000Z

What a lovely day off!
well most days off are lovely but this one was especially good.
I guess i just woke up in the right mood:)
There is something about a beautiful ass that just makes everything OK ...
anyway, enough about that what else happened today ..
Went to the library to return a shite book and get another which may be equally shite... you never know until you read them do you?
What else .. Oh yes found my old book on Qigong after Kher mentioned it in one of his posts ... always seems to know the right thing to say :)
Thats another thing i'm going to have to get into ...
So many things so few brain cells ..
I have been thinking for the last few days how completely free i am at the moment..
I could go anywhere, just go and be able to depend on myself alone.
Thats a strong feeling.
Back to today I went to Worcester to see Kev today and he is doing well. I took him book shopping ... a dangerous thing to do if you are on a budget but i have almost no money so i couldn't overspend! Found him a Teach yourself Meditation book ... Nice practical step by step giude to chilling out the mind and listening to the inner you ... It seemed a clear non dogmatic book so i think he will enjoy it .. Its al verry well telling him what he can do but i think he needs something to reference to and explore at his own pace if he is really going to get into it.
Ok enough for now.. Someone is really Jonesing for this blog.. no names ...

Catch up

2006-10-01T17:36:00.000Z

Ok i have 3 days to catch up with ...
I'll just put down the outstanding things..
Rich and his gf went to a theme park and had their keys phones and handbag stolen...
They bought a brand new mini tank like pickup.
And insist on showing it off. I just think it's a bit soon to get financially dependent on each other .. but thats just me..
Kev is in hospital for some checkups/ new drug testing ...
I think i'll go and see him tomorow and catch up. Talking on the phone is ok but seeing him will be better. Get to catch up and give him a bit of support
Project: Secret Book.
Finnished! now i can hide all manner of goodies in here and no1 will know !! Bwaaahahahahaha...
*cough*
Well, everything but my Ball fits in .. hmm...

Two of our rats died this week so we had a little burial.
The I Ching study is going well. Generally a lot of advice about modesty and centering and non-action.
Really should get into chat and actually talk to the Within Crew ...
Cyas

Kings and Charts

2006-09-28T19:39:00.000Z

All Hail the King of Myspace! well ok mibi not the king but at least i whupped it's ass finnaly after battling with it for ages .... my site looks a little like i want it to be.
Enough for me to accept it anyway:)
but it's really there for a contact site rather than a show off site ..
This is my main home*strokes the nice Bloggspot.com*
With my twin-site One story that is.

OK to preserve my sanity Adriana ..... :

Now everyone can see who i truly am ... well ....mibi not hey? :)
Enough for tonight i have a steak waiting....

Tree of Life

2006-09-26T22:05:00.000Z

Notes and Chaos

2006-09-26T18:34:00.000Z

A few things of note today ..
I actually tried the I Ching and was pleasantly surprised at the results. It generaly came down to "Shush and listen to your guide" and to practice Love, Faith and Correctness to others..
Also two things i realised today ...my Vertigo has a source and now i can deal with it.
My need to be in control had a source, and i think i'll have to explore that.

On to lighter things ......

Now this is the most Major Agent of Chaos in my life right now! :)
If you see this Being, Known to the Iluminated as "Stitch"
Then run!
Just run...
You do not want to be left in the wake of His passing.

Photo's and Steak

2006-09-25T20:30:00.000Z

Ok this is my Brother Kevin. Look at that beard!!
with that he looks older than me!

The book i am trying to read at the moment, if people would give me a little time to turn a page!

And the music i am listening to atm.
Just felt like posting a few pictures.
I think i am developing a habbit because i bought some more steak today and i really can't wait to cook it. Can you be a steak junkie??

As an asside I think i am a little frivolous on this blog .. maybe i should try to add a few thoughtful insights ... Maybe some reflections on the book i am reading when i get the chance...

Rock and Peace

2006-09-24T17:07:00.000Z

Saturday: Rock!
Got home from work in time to have a quick wash and change and go out to see my brothers band play.
First time i have seen him in action and i think he did really well.... The truth is thought that hje could play a lot better but the band he is with is limithing him i feel ... but he seems to enjoy it and i'll respect him enought to let him go his own way .... Looking after your youngest brothers is hard sometimes :)
The other bands to play werte closer to profesional level especially the last band ... kind of Metallica-esque but different enough to be original and have their own sound..
We all had a lot of fun jumping around and making complete fools of ourselves:)

Sunday: Peace
A nice calm reflective day so far. Have been reading up on the idea of Tikkun and how to use the past to discover who you are now. Also how to deal with issues in your subconcious and reclaim energies you once used to limit yourself ... All good stuff. Also Recapitulation/ Magical memory idea ..
Funny how i get a book on how your upbringing gives you certain issues and what you can do to address them and then i read about the Kabbalistic aproach to thisaswell ...hmmm synchronicity ..

oh one more thing ... the ex has decided to get together with my other brother .. i can only hope all goes well for them.

-Forgive others their mistakes, for they have only done the best they could at that time. Forgive your own mistakes, but do not forget. The lessons you fail to learn will be replayed untill you do.

- Just a thought ....

Nikkid!

2006-09-22T22:26:00.000Z

Ok today i added a link to my hometown, Evesham for anyone who wants to have a look at the lovely place i live.
Had the longest hottest bath ever :) Just good to relax and chill.
Sat around Nikkid for a while. I don't mind who reads this i bet they feel the same! in your own space just being free of clothes feels natural and liberating.

Other things? Work was work. Still thinking about Ip Goodfellow. he will have his own story some time .. jsut have to find one for him.
hmmm, going to try some more adventures in dreamland ...
Ok, i'll share a little meditation i did today .... Just imaging dark blue sea around me and letting myself sink into my deep thoughts ... really effective.
Enough for now or i'll be here all night ... catch you round

My mistake!

2006-09-21T22:52:00.000Z

Bahh! Who's responsibility was it to set the alarm?
Which fool forgot and then made us late for work?
Which complete moron had us rushing eveything this morning so his hair looked like a dandilion??

Oh me?
hmmm, ok an honest mistake :)
Asside from that i have had a good evening since coming home .... some wonderful post, interesting reading and a laugh and a half in the chatroom ..tomorrow will be quieter ... may catch up on some of my projects here.
Oh and i think i have been short of iron lately .. the reason i have been craving red meat? maybe ....
something to look into.

Haven't been dream working lately ... spending too much time up and not focusing on a good nights sleep ...
Well sometimes other things intrude
Just the way it is...
well thats enough for tonight. Gotta go meet Morpheus ...

Adventures in Cooking

2006-09-20T21:40:00.000Z

Sirloin Steak ....
Plus Wok ...
Plus Heat ..

Ok first atempt at cooking my own steaks worked out nicely
Was hankering for Meat all day .. just had to have some ... weird how it can hit you that waas some times .. but i know my body knows what it needs .. so
I got a beautiful rare steak mmmm juicy.
Not much else done today .. just reading , searching the internet and chatting ..
running out of time in the day..
need to prioritise some things ....
Plan for tomorrow.

Also i think Ip the Imp has been born ... just a cheeky little thing no harm in him but ... he does love to play around...
Thinking in story form ... i have a goal for my dreams tonight ...

Last Night and Another good day!

2006-09-19T21:39:00.000Z

Last Night
Curry, Lager, chat..
Emma, Chloe and Darren and kept me entertained for the night whilst phycho Leach was at the other end of the table.
After meal Me chlo and Emma chatted for hours back at Chloes. Good night.

Another good day!
I seem to be having a lot of them recently...
Library - the book i ordered came through..
Saw a book called "They F*** You Up - how to survive family life" By Oliver James
With a title like that i had to borrow it :)
Walked the dog ... sounds like a chore but ..... its amoment of silence in a day where i can walk through the orchards and fields and feel ... Peaceful centred ....
Then a Call from Adri; Magick ... LBRP, life and the universe etc...

Bought a new CD ... might get the cover on here tomorrow... funky tunes..
The best Syndicated Comic strip in newspapers today!
Suxor is having so much trouble getting Yahoo and MSN talking to each other :) he's all thumbs with tech :)

Don't ask me where it came from ... GorillaRabbit

If this day was a Lager...

2006-09-18T17:10:00.000Z

...It would be the best damned Lager there is! :)
First had a strange but fascinating dream, then got woken up with the best wake up call i've ever had :)
Work went swiftly, and I didn't get even the slightest grumble about being off for those 2 days last week..
Also LBRP went well ... first time; needs work but felt reasonable for a newb like me:)
Day off tomorrow and a night out with friends tonight ..
Oh plus I bought a Webcam of my own so i can snap happy without looting anyone elses tech. Hah this is so fun playing with this thing :P
A Lovely Bath. Some meditation to come and mibi a little drawing ..

Then i'm out for a friend's Birthday meal .. Curry :)
And Lager...
Mucho Funko!

Quietude

2006-09-17T18:31:00.000Z

A nice quiet day both in mind and body.
Spoke to Lil, poor think sounds like she's really ill ...
Did some more scouting round the internet .. found a wonderful site about an artisk called "Banksy" this one piece really hit me though:
Banksy:The Tramp

Thinking of my stories again. always thinking.. what was the advice? Don't think, DO!
O.K.
Point taken.
More secrets posted, just gotta love that site...
Within is down ..
Up at 6 tomorrow.. back to work, well at least i have recovered.

Thats just silly

2006-09-17T01:32:00.000Z

ok well today became tomorrow and i am still up..
I think that my cold has left me now ..
An interesting night .. interesting indeed!!

ok .. i think i have time for some silliness:

Beaker from the Mupets!!

Just call me IBard Warholl

I'm either a Turnip or .. Carrotman?

And Sketchy me ..

Now i'm going to think of something meaningful to write next to make up for all this frivolity .. but untill then .. I just have to chuckle :)
Oh and one more thing (as the Great detective Columbo says) :
Youtube-Matrix meets MTV
I know it's old and everything but it just makes me Crack every time..

My Rubber Band Ball

2006-09-15T23:02:00.000Z

Today i was so bad i actually called in sick.
It takes a lot to do that to me so i'm taking it easy...

Oh well this evening turned out to be wonderfull .. nice relaxing rest and stimulating chat seems to have done me wonders. Still taking tomorrow off .. I can't risk throwing away the recovery i have made.

And because i know you want to see:

The downward spiral

2006-09-14T18:52:00.000Z

I need a BREAK.
I need sleep...
I need a new head.
This one isn't working so well any more

Work work work and more of the same!

2006-09-13T19:13:00.000Z

Tuesday: Work, work, work and then chat chat chat .. then collapse ..
Start of a bad cold taking energy to fight..
Sniffle sniffle.. :)

Wednesday: More of the same and met Chloe and Claire for a few drinks.Nice chat, yadda yadda yadda.. still dont know what to get chlo for her birthday though ...
Haven't seen or heard from my Ex for a whole week! I was expecting some trouble but it seems she has decided to let me go after all. This is a relief :)
Project Secret Book:

Coming along nicely i think :)

Frazzled

2006-09-11T22:03:00.000Z

Spent most of today wandering around Worcester shopping.
Did a lot of meditation aswell today feeling a little frazzled from it ...
I think i'll take it easy tomorrow.
Later people, take care.

Payday, Wasted and recovery!

2006-09-10T20:09:00.000Z

Ok have been off since Thursday ..
Friday: Payday.
Bought essentials. Also got new clothes and a new Phone. A funky one i can connect to my computer and play mp3's on. Still got to learn how to use everything

Project: Secret Book
ok i'm giving away a secret here but i am curently making a hollow book so i can keep secret things in .. I don't kniow what i'm going to put in there yet but it will be cool to have a secret hidey hole.
Hey, call me immature if you want. You may have a point but i bet you want one too, don't ya?
I'll tell you what, if your nice i might even take a few pics of it as it's coming along.
Saturday:Wasted!
Oh boy, after work i went out to see if i could find any of my old friends who i used to go out drinking with. Now, I haven't been out with friends in some time But tonight i bumped into some pals from work and we went out on the town.
I'll tell you now, Vodka and red bull is the best drink ever!
Sunday:Recovery :)
I didn't feel too bad, just dehydrated so i ate lots of fruit and drank lots of water .. plus coffee by the boat load...
Also today decided to do Cross aswell as Daily meditation.
We shall see what my experiments bring. Oh yes and i have to try and find something to do to mark the coming Equinox ....
Just to add ...Adria and Iona are being mean :) they know what i'm on about!

Ok tomorrow i am going to try and go to worcester or cheltnam for a shopping expedition...
Also go to this site and post a secret ...
Secrets

Need sleep and Too much to learn

2006-09-07T21:54:00.000Z

No word from my Ex today. This is a good thing.
Tired today... not a lot of sleep yesterday.
I have been feling like a zombie all day.
No dreams recalled last night... cefinite sign of lack of sleep.
My favorite site is down aswell.
More meditation today. At the moment it is doing a wonderful job of calming and focusing my mind.
Pay day tomorow. I think i have already spent most of it!
Early night tonight so i can write another entry in my dream diary.
Oh and i have too many things to learn...
2 more subjects to add to the list : Hebrew alphabet and Poetry
Take care now

No more Love and Back to school.

2006-09-06T21:27:00.000Z

Today i have a more traditional diary entry to post.

No more Love
Today my Ex tried to get back together with me .. using any and all ways she could think of.

Now, if i wasn't expecting something like this i may have given in to a small concession ... say go on a date or go for a drive.... But the slippery slope always starts somewhere and i know that it would inevitably return to where we were before.

So i said no, no, no and no again. Then i had to use the one truth i was trying to keep from her.... I no longer love her.. I care ... but i will no longer be manipulated .. and the only reason i don't just use her and leave her hanging on for sex is because i care and i know she would do better on her own .. or even with someone else .. she is very dependant .. Also just using her for sex would end up getting tied into more anyway ... she has a habbit of drawing more out of you than you wanted to give ...
AAAArg! Leachy psychic vampire lady!

So i stood my ground, and couldn't help but feel wretched afterward. But i know it is better this way ... And if she decides to hate me ... so be it, if that's what she needs.

- So, can i get of this couch now, Doc?

Back to School

Asside from the ameteur dramatics, I have added another blog link to my slowly growing web.. This one is a bunch of self help ideas and i find some of them fascinating ... One this person had was to plan some time each week as if you were at school ... Maths lessons , your own P.E. class, maybe learn a new langage, listen to different music read a Classic book .. and i can see that idea being quite productive. It folows on from the number one must do thing - keep a daily planner.

what would my sylabus look like?
Monday: Literature, Art, Lunch, Kabbalah, Altered states of conciousness
Tuesday: Music appreciation/ creation, Mathematics(logic and mental arythmetic), Lunch, Meditation, Nordic Runes
Wednesday: German, English Lit., Lunch, Afternoon off - Night: Lucid Dreaming
Thursday: P.E.(cross country Dog walking), I.T.(exploring the internet), Lunch, Tarrot, Healing
Friday: Design(building stuff), Science(making stuff go boom), Lunch, Visualisation, Rituals.
Heh, Hogwarts meets Evesham High :)

Funny thing, Humor.

2006-09-05T20:39:00.000Z

It struck me today that I have no real understanding of what humor is.
Why do I laugh? Why do i like to laugh? Why do i find some things funny and others not?

To quote; The Secret Life Of The Brain
"Analyzing the physiological manifestation of laughter reveals striking similarities to seizures and even to some types of epilepsy."
Now that sounds like some scary stuff. But we still do not understand it fully...

I have been told that humor may be a self defence mechanism that protects the mind from the horrible tragedies that occur in life.
Also that it was a relief reaction after danger had passed .... removing all the fight/flight emotions and therefore linked to safety and bonding.
The more you laugh the more you bond .. and thus laugh more.
Another theory that i proposed was that this whole world is one big joke and that humor and laughter is the only rational responce to it...... i'm sure i have picked that up from somewhere but cannot remember the source atm.

Many reasons .. all mixed together.. All i really know on the subject is that it makes me feel good and i like it :)
So i'm going to keep on doing it, ok? :)

Strange day

2006-09-04T18:27:00.000Z

What to write? In making a promise to myself to write every day i have put great pressure on my creative side. I have to think and articulate a subject on demand.

I find it very strange how we can hide our own feelings from ourselves. If i feel it then i should know it. But evidently i do not wish to know it and therefore it is ignored.
I am begining to think that my subconcious is only the parts of me that the Ego doesn't want to acknowledge.

The shadow grows stronger as the ego becomes more dominant. The thing is, I can be the ego and act self important. The trick is sometimes to remember that i am not the ego.
I can be the detatched mind, understanding the proceses and forces within.

But this subconcious, this beast .... I have sepparated it from myself. Even whilst understanding that it is a part of me, I cannot accept it as part of me.

Thus i have halved myself. I have given it my most powerful tools, all except command.
It has Rage, Passion, Ambition, Seduction. And i have given away the keys because i have been taught that these things are wrong.

And so they are, if used unwisely. Which is why children are told these things. But i am no longer a child and will no longer be a sheep.

It is time to wake up.
It is time to accept that which is within.
It is time to reclaim my shadow.
It is time to become all that I am.

A New Beginning

2006-09-03T20:06:00.000Z

As a friend of mine has found out it is very hard to keep up a blog unless you have a very good reason for it so i shall have to find one to keep this going, otherwise it is just a waste of time.

One reason is that i am recording my daily events so that i can look back at a later date and see patterns and remember things.

Another would be that i am writing this for anyone who would wish to read some of the thoughts that i am willing to share with the general public..
That leads to another question entirely ... how much .. and where is the line to be drawn?

How about this .. each day i will write 4 things down, roughly coresponding to the 4 levels of reality
1 Objective
2 Subjective
3 Symbolic
4 Holistic

well i can give it a go anyway.

One week and still no word?

2006-08-16T21:33:00.000Z

Heh i think i have been a little lax in my blogging. Well it is not the be all and end all you know!

Things that have happened since last week? I had a weekend of relaxed bliss with no-one to worry about and then a party with a lovely lady to talk to who understood what i was going through. Well even if she was only saying it then it made all the difference anyway.
Also found out that other people have the same view of my ex as i do and it's not just me who she turns on in an instant and then reverts back to a nice person again...
All very reassuring. i'm not mad!
Well..... not excessively anyway.

Also been catching up with my music library and realising how much cool stuff i have .... well ofcourse it is because i have it :)
And watching DVD's most notably Fight Club...... Now i have to resist the urge to start up an underground rebellion....
but if i could create an imaginary teacher now that would be worth the hassle.

hmmm something to think abut anyway.

Another day....another load of work!

2006-08-08T23:29:00.000Z

Well, got everything back from my ex today .. my room looks like a bomb-site, but i have tomorow off to sort it out. I am going to sort the kitchen and the hall out tomorow... hmmm busy day.
Hah! for a day off aswelll... at least i don't have to get up at half 3 in the morning.

Hmmm... have been thinking of learning a little German. Something else to do with my time which would alsocome in useful at some time. But to do that i need a good language course...

have been chatting to a few people online and generally keeping myself busy.

right time for bed...

Yay Buton!

2006-08-06T19:52:00.000Z

Huzzazz! Jenson actually won a race! About time really. Knew he could do it. Etc, etc.

Makes me happy anyway.
Found out i didn't have to dismantle the desk, just clean it down. Thank my lucky stars:)
Ok. Getting my computer back tomorow and getting rid of this horrid carpet. Lots of dust and hair then... Blech! But better sorted than a mess.

Hopefully the new position at work will be sorted out this week but it really depends on how long it takes to hire someone new to take over from me. I hate it when i am waiting for something to happen and i cannot influence it.... Grr!

Heh! But anyway, let it be and just work like mad so that they know when i leave them they will have a big hole to fill.. Bwaaahahahahahah!

Enough for now. Time for good positive thoughts before sleep. Ommmmm Ommm!!

My little book of tricks

2006-08-05T17:24:00.000Z

It is amazing how much more organised you can be just by writing down any tasks and info neded to be remembered into a notepad / diary.
I had never before apreciated just how much more you can get done when you have a set list of things to get through.
Should be simple. Should be taught early as one of the big life skills. I should really make a list of indispensable life skills and make sure i practice them.
Hmm ..... one idea for my little website anyway.
Just have to learn how to build them! :)
Another thing for the list!
*grabs pencil and pad*

Right then off to review the books i have just read and condence their teachings into simple easy to remember notes.

And so to start...

2006-08-02T17:44:00.000Z

On this day I have split up with my long term girlfriend, moved back into my fathers house and still do not know what job i am going to next week....

Sounds a little disconcerting but i feel hopefull and ... free.

It may sound a little surprising but i think this overhaul of my life is overdue. Therefore i am learning all about time management and motivational skills to both give myself something to do and occupy my mind as it works in its own unfathomable way. Well unfathomable to me anyway. I'll leave the subconcious sub and have faith that i know what i'm doing.

If you could have 3 things right now what would they be?
>A great girl
>A satisfying job
>Strong friends

Ok enough for now, i can always write more later